She has no space left in her day for Him, much less for following where He might lead.

My days are full of things that I do not want to do. I do not want to go to work today, but I am here because I have to be. I do not want to clean the kitchen or mop the floor or scrub the walls or vacuum the carpet or clean the bathrooms and bedrooms, and do laundry. Nor do I want to pick up toys, wash dishes, put all the kid movies strewn about back together and away, take out the trash, cook dinner, and set the alarm for early tomorrow to do it all over again. But, all these things must be done and someone has to do it. Somehow that someone became ME! Why did I get chosen? So far the only concrete reason I can come up with is simply because I have a vagina. I often wonder why women’s lives are so full of chores and tasks that we do not want to do. It seems very sad to me that for most of us our whole lives are whittled away by unhappy necessities and over commitments. Should doing something that I actually enjoy really have to be a “treat”? The hardest part of this for me to swallow is that to get all of these before mentioned things accomplished I have to sacrifice the quality of my relationship with others. When I come home from work and my son is begging me to play playdoh with him at the table and I have to keep putting him off because I’m elbow deep in dish water and the table is too much of a mess for him to even have space to roll playdoh I begin to feel defeated. My children will only be small for a blink of time. Are the dishes really that important? Well, if I want to keep bugs and yucky stuff out of my house then yes they are important, but how do you measure that against your own child? I have tried to convince myself that I enjoy and love housework. I’ve tried to delight in my chores. So far I haven’t fallen for it. And for the life of me I can not figure out how the house gets so messy! If I go to work then come home, don’t dare sit down when I walk in, get straight to work and do nothing but work and clean all night until I go to bed then it should be clean the next morning right? Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I think there is something wrong with the way that most adult women live today. This overly praised women’s liberation movement came about and while the work place adjusted to include women, the rest of women’s life did not adjust to make place for work and home and family. Any stay at home wife or mother will tell you that it is a full time job. Most say it’s the hardest job in world. My personal experience would back up that theory, but to each their own. So now with the way the financial world is I’m expected to work outside of the home and society pretty much expects me to work outside of the home also. Then I clock out, drive home and try to cram another full time job into the space of a few hours? And if there are any errands to be run then go ahead and scratch off getting anything at home done. And I won’t even attempt to discuss finding time to go back to school.

I blog about this frustration often but I never seem to make any progress with this issue. Now there are women out there that would have us to believe that this is not only possible but a joy. Or that is the perception we get anyway. What these women aren’t telling you is that they harbor a despair that says, “I have no time left for me. I have no time left for peace or prayer. I have given so much of myself to everything else that I have long since given up on reaching for hope or happiness.” A lot of these “do it all supermoms” are just bodies walking around with broken insides. I really resent them too because this perception they put out in the world is that this can be done and it isn’t a problem to do so. I wasted a few years of my life believing this concept was attainable and reasonable. Now I just laugh at the thought. YET, I still keep trying to get everything done everyday. As much as I realize that this is silliness and verbally acknowledge it I still try to do it. Talk about banging your head against a brick wall. Something has to be done about this. The world has to recognize that there is a majority of women out there trying to be everything to everyone and promptly adjust their expectations. So supermoms out there…give it up. All you are doing is lying about how things really are and making the realistic ones of us out there look bad. LOL. And please, I am not lazy. Yes, I like naps, but I am not lazy. I’m honest. I could pretend that this is realistic but then I would have broken insides too, and that is not suitable for me. I work either at my job or my home from the second I wake up until far after I should be asleep. I don’t even sit down when I come home from my job. Not even for a few minutes. The most I do is check my myspace for a few seconds and get straight to the chores. It is such ridiculousness that life should be so crowded. I have a family for a reason. That reason is so that I can love them and ENJOY them. What is the point of having relationships if you can’t enjoy them? What is the point of having a home if there is no time left to hang your hat there and rest? What, I ask you, is the point of this madness!!!! Expectations are a sneaky little devil. We don’t think about our expectations that often but they are always there in everything we do. What good does it do me to have a clean home if my children are sad I can’t play with them and my husband is so used to my pleas (otherwise known as nagging) to get up and help me get this stuff done so I can sit down too that he no longer even hears the sound of my voice!? Maybe someday my self inflicted OCD will take a backseat and I will be able to look at my messy livingroom and disasterous kitchen and think, “House, you will not taunt me today. My children are fed and clothed and time has been spent reading books together and playing games. Bedtime songs have been sung with prayers thereafter, and while I prop my feet atop this giant pile of unfolded laundry I say this is a good day!” The exhausted spirit in every wife and mother whether working or not or young or old needs to stop accepting a mediocre quality of life and relationship and make some “Me Time”. Let’s uncrowd our schedules, stop worry about what needs to be done and pay attention to what needs to be LIVED!