Un happy Birthday

Today was a less than great day. November 23rd. My brother in law and mother in law's birthday. Regan turned 25 and Carol 61. Birthdays are supposed to be happy not ominous. I'm really getting weary of burying family and friends. My larger than life grandpa passed away in 1989. I was lucky enough to have 18 good years of steady calm in my family. Then 2007 rolled around and it's been one memorial after the other. It has definately been a trying time in life. Luckily I can look back on what life experience I have and recognize that it was in times of trial that I learned the most about my life. So maybe I can spin this whole thing and just try to hear whatever it is that God is trying to tell me right now.

We spent the whole day at my inlaws house. We had the pleasure of visiting with a very nice hospice nurse. It is the first time we have been there when a nurse came. It's been hard at times to get the information we've wanted from Chris's grandma or dad. It's not easy stuff to talk about. So the nice nurse sat us all down and explained how the next chunk of time would go. She said the things out loud that we all knew, but didn't want to say. She told us that basically my MIL has approx 2 weeks of life left in her. It could go quicker, but definately no longer than 3 weeks. At the rate of progression we've seen in the last 2 months I would be more likely to say sooner than later. She isn't exactly conscious, hasn't eaten in a week or drank any fluids in several days. Her body is shutting down and we all just have to watch.

Spending the last few days of my grandma's life with her was a shocking experience for me. I had never seen anyone go thru a dying process. Now, within the same year I'm watching someone else I love cross over to the next life. I don't like feeling familiar with the experience. My inlaws are very kind people. It's not easy to watch them go thru this. It's much harder for me than I had anticipated. Knowing that Carol would go thru everything she has with alzheimers I thought I would be better prepared. Clearly there is no way to prepare. I'm saddened for children. They have had to deal with a lot of reality so early in their lives. I grieve that they will lose a grandparent after such a short time together. I look forward to reminding them of nice memories with her though. I struggle to know how to help my spouse deal with the loss of a parent. I resent that I will miss out on a growing relationship with Carol. And I dread the week or two ahead and all the stress and pain it will bring. Please keep our family in your prayers. I'm sure to update you all on any changes.