I was watching TV tonight and a particular scene caught my attention. A couple was having a little arguement and the husband said to wife, "You are just like your mother!" This seems to have been the worst thing that he could have said to her. She reacted with disgust. "How could you say such a thing? I will never be anything like my mother!" This got me thinking. Most of the people I know have said at some point or another that they don't ever want to be like their mother or have some problem being compared to their mom. I started wondering, "Wow, how do I raise my children so that they will not have an adversion to being like me?" I'm all for being your own person and finding your own way, but what's so wrong with being like your mom? I want my children to carve their own path, but I certainly hope I don't screw it up so much they decide to never be like me. What an insult! And why is it that I am the only person I know that seems to discuss what kind of mom I want to be or even admits that I put a lot of intentional effort into making myself somewhat of a syllabus. LOL. I know tons of moms of all ages and I've never heard anyone else ever talk about how they grew into their parenthood. My grandma Irene taught me a lot about being a woman and being a lady, but she never talked about the decisions she made about how to mother. My mom has never really said anything about what she thought about as a young mom or what goals she had for herself in that role. Same thing for all of my aunts, cousins, friends, friends mom's, etc. Now that I stop and think about it, it really kind of shocks me that I've never heard anyone else talk about why/how they chose to be the type of mother that they are. Surely everyone thinks about it right? It's pretty important. I can't imagine that it comes so naturally to others that they didn't have to plan it out at least a little. So why doesn't anyone I know ever mention it? I suppose I just like to talk more than others and have no issues with what I share with people vs. what I don't. As we have all learned I don't keep very much to myself. I also over think things. Nevertheless, I just wandered upon this topic tonight. A silly scene in Scrubs got my mind going. So what do the rest of you do? Even if you have been a mom for 20 or 30 years surely there is still some thinking involved. Your children are always at a new age then they were before, or in a new place in their lives than before which must effect you. Whether it is because they are raising their own children or whatever. I don't guess you stop mothering any less just because your kids grow up and start families of their own. Then you get to go on a whole grandparent journey. I would love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps being a mom just happens to be the single most important thing in my life so I talk about it more than other stuff. Not to mention that all I do is go to work or raise my children. So I'm short on any other topics. LOL.
On a side note, I was at the store before work a few mornings ago and noticed a book. The back cover caught my eye. It said something to the effect of "How to get your husband to help with house work." So I immediately bought it. I'm only half way thru the introduction so no new revelations yet. Even if it doesn't teach me how to get my husband to take delight in chores maybe it will make for an amusing read. If it works out though I will be more than happy to share. It never hurts to try right? HA HA!
Friday, May 30, 2008
A few thoughts
Posted by Sara at 8:27 PM
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3 comments:
Sometime back, Brandee was having an argument with one of the kids, Taylor, I think. In the heated moment, she blurted out something that I, evidently, had a habit of saying to her when we were sparing. She looked at Chance and said, OMG, I'm becoming my mother! Now, I'm pretty sure she didn't think that was a positive thing, but when she told me about it, I felt honored. My beautiful daughter turned out even more wonderful than I hoped and, for that, I take 3/4 the credit! lol
No, it wasn't that I didn't think it positive, it was just weird. When you are young and mad at your parents, you think, "When I grow up, I will never tell my kids that." Or that you will never deprive them of that party (or something just as important in your mind) that your parent did to you. Or you won't ground them for something as trivial as that!! I always hated the reasoning "because" or "because I said so" for why I couldn't do something. Now, I have actually said those things to my kids. I've said alot of the same things my mom told me and it's really weird. It just comes out without my thinking about it. All that stuff that I just thought was horrible or so unjust, now comes out of me like an instinct. Now that I'm on the other side of the situation, I realize how right my mom was. How wrong I was. It's weird. I'm a grown up now!
So, now that I am grown up, I do worry about how to raise my kids. Especially when my child mimics the things I say. When he corrects the pets or his sister with the words I say to him. Oh Lord. Talk about a human video camera! I have to be on my toes. I am constantly rethinking how I should correct things because it comes back to haunt me! So when I worry about doing things right, what do I think about? How would Mom do that? What would Mom do?
When I look at some of my friends' moms and hear their stories about their childhoods and their relationships now with their moms, I sit back and thank God I had the mother I did. Chance always tells me that I have the greatest parents ever. That I really lucked out. He's right. I couldn't have asked for better.
I call my mom for everything now. I always want her advice with the kids, or I need her to tell me how to cook something. Tristan got overheated on Thursday, and he came running in the house and says, "Mama, I need a bowl! I'm gonna throw up!" So I ran and got one and he did. I wasn't sure why, but somehow I knew he wasn't sick. That it was heat. I got him out of his clothes, and wetted a washcloth with cold water. I laid him down and wiped his head and neck all over. Then I folded the cloth neatly and laid it across his forehead. I said, "Grandma used to put washcloths on my forehead just like that when I got sick." I asked him if he felt better. He said yes. I always felt better too.
So yea, I think it's a pretty postive thing to be turning into my mother. I just never realized I really would!! I never thought I could be that good of a mother. Hopefully, I will be.
Sarah, I really wish I could put into words the answer to your questions.
Motherhood is the most important job in the world for a woman. We all walk that path differently, but the same.
In my youth I saw things one way. In my later years (which I have to admit, I am in now) I see things in a whole different light.
Motherhood is a process. As your children grow you grow.
There are no do-overs. I don't know a mother, whose children are grown, who doesn't say "If I could do it again I would..."
When we are looking a head the road looks different than when we look back.
That's why we enjoy being Grandparents so much.
It's good you take motherhood so seriously, some mothers don't.
You should save these bloggs for your later years.
The joy you take in watching your kids grow is something you should never allow yourself to forget.
Save every moment for the Teenage years. They are a comin'.
One thing you can do is look back at how you reacted to the way your parents raised you. Not so much how they did it, but how you reacted.
In all things, put God first.
If I could do it again, that's what I would do, put God first everyday.
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