Thinking too much about growing old.

Seems to me that in most families there is that one person who holds it all together. I often wonder how that person got to that place. I think about my families and on every side it's Grandma. Grandma seems to be the head of the family, the who everyone comes together for. When my Grandma Irene was dying one of the things that struck me the most was that this woman was at one time simply a young mother with 3 children and a husband. Just from those 3 children at the end of her life there were 53 people crowded into her home and holding her hand. It started so simply. I wonder if she consicously came to that position in our family by decision or over the years her good decisions just landed her there. Was it her intention to be a matriarch for us or did we silently elect her because of who she was to each of us? I think maybe I've just gotten extremely lucky to have experienced that with both of my grandmothers and with Chris's grandma. There are people that would technically be next in line for such a role when that day comes but I can't envision that with their personalities. Like Chris's family: His grandma is superwoman. She's the sock ironing, do it all, permanently patient embodiment of matriarch. I wonder who will be that for us when she is gone? What will happen to our family then? If I try to flash forward to the end of my own life I feel like my family will be very small. I have grown accustomed to having a large family and it will be weird to change. When my parents are gone and I'm the oldest generation remaining I think all will have is my husband and children. I have no siblings. So there will be no aunts uncles and cousins in that aspect. Chris has one brother, but he has a mental disability that will prevent him from having a family of his own. So maybe one uncle. Other than that it will just be our kids and whatever kids they have. I feel a little sad about that. In theory I would have 5 children just to keep my family big but realistically that's just impossible. It costs too much to live to have that many children. And while having 5 adult children might be fine I dont' have the emotional fortitude to handle 5 young children at the same time. At least I have the guts to admit my limitations. IDK. I just want to be like all my grandma's one day and hopefully I can make enough right decisions along the way that eventually I will be respected and loved the way all my gma's are. That would be a nice reward to spending a life time hard at work. In the mean time, I do wonder how my families will evolve over the next decade or two. Who will be the ones to step in and keep everyone together or if people will focus more on thier immediate family and find themselves in their own matriarch role? It will be interesting to see how life plays out.