I'm so not grown up enough to direct this situation

Although we often know that certain events or emotions are going to take place in our lives, and often we have a clue that it is coming, I'm not sure that makes anyone any more prepared. Perhaps it only increases the dread the accompanies going thru unpleasant life experiences. It's tough enough to find a way to be an effective parent using love and logic. On top of that I also have a responsibility to many other people in my life. It can be quite hard to balance the needs of all the people I love. I'm not saying that I am at all in any position to be something more to someone than just simply me. I don't think I'm any more important than anyone else and we all have situations that super suck and we have to face them regardless. My entire life I have had a particular curiousity about alzheimer's. I guess because it runs in my family and it's no disease to mess with. It's one of the most serious conditions out there that we can inherit. I'd rather get congestive heart failure or something not pertaining to my brain. My MIL has seriously progressed in this disease. It's both scary as a daughter in law that loves her very much and as a parent to make sure my children have some understanding of what's going on. It isn't exactly an illness you can hide. I have a list of "dreads" that I've known would be here one day and unfortunately whether I'm ready or not one day is here. On top of it all I seem to be the only person I know that has done any research on the disease, has any reasonable interest in understanding the reality of the situation, and the only one not in severe denial about the current situation or quickly approaching future. I can't get enough info on the stages and signs and risks and check lists and things to plan for. I've been reading up on the various testing and the universal scales the medical community uses to evaluate such a patient. Basically, the most widely used scale goes from 30 to 0. 30 is normal adult with no recognizable signs. 0 is bedridden vegetable or dead. This past week my MIL was evaluated at an 11. As many people know there are medications available out there to help slow the progression of this disease, but it effects each patient differently. Also in the U.S. there is NO fda approved medication to treat moderate to severe alzheimers. The medications available are only effective during early diagnosis. Once a pt reaches a certain stage the medications are useless. There is new medication that has been approved for use in Europe that has had some success in these latter stages. It's not available here and is still being researched by the FDA. The saddest thing about this is that when a patient gets to the latter stages the disease usually progresses much quicker than before or will plateau for a while and then have a huge decline all of a sudden. So the late stages are already on the fast track and their are no medications to do anything about it. It's a helpless place to be as a family member, caregiver and surely as the patient. My MIL can no longer dress herself or bathe herself and has started forgetting whose house she's in. The kids go over there 2 days a week. Although they have minimal contact with her if they see her at all (she stays in bed most of the time) they have begun asking me questions. My children have already endured so much this last year. 2 grandparents and a best friend have died. They've watched us cope with these things and even were essentially there the entire time my grandma was dying in front of us. They have seen and heard more than children their age should. However, I will not lie to them or just not address this with them. They are asking questions because obviously they notice and they are bothered. I always knew I would know when it would be time to change the daycare and not send them there at all. Unfortunately the time is here and having that conversation with my grandparents in law is going to be one of the hardest things I think I could ever possibly face. Even though it's simply about my children's ability to cope with what is going on around them it will be impossible for them not to take it personally. I had a quiet moment tonight with the kids and it seemed like the right time to talk about it. We discussed what they had noticed and what questions they might have. I explained to them that she is sick and can't help it when she does certain things or is not able to do regular things they can do. Children are so hypersensitive to their environment and I notice their behavior is different lately some of which I can directly contribute to the tension they feel around her. I know that Maria Schriver wrote some children's books that help young kids understand "what's happening to grandma". I need to get out there and locate these books. My kids are just so young to have to learn such a large life lesson. I insist on being open and honest with them about it. I wouldn't ever say anything that would damage them or traumatize them. But I need to be willing and able and ready to talk to them about this reguarly. Hopefully they will reciprocate by feeling like they can talk to me about it whenever it's on their minds. It's really a heartbreaking situation. I really try to be cognitive of certain boundaries that are present for me because after all I am an inlaw. I want to be respectful but available at the same time. I just care so much for these people and I want to be there for them and take care of my kids at the same time and unfortunately sometimes these things conflict. It's a difficult place to be. Also, by taking my kids out of the home and having this conversation with them I am basically making them face the reality of what's going on. There are still some very huge denial issues. I feel like I'm the only one that wants to see things the way they really are. Ignoring the situation isn't doing anyone any good and it certainly isn't making her any better. I'm a little uneasy tonight after my talk with the kids. They said some things and asked some things that I was surprised to hear. I figured on a few things they mentioned to me, but they really let me knew that they are no dummies and see exactly what's going on. Not that they understand it. They see enough to take some things personally and that freaks me the eff out. I'll always pick my kids first but think about having to sit down with one of the very very few women that have impacted your life, set an incredible example for you and your family, has the kindest gentlest most sincere hearts of anyone you've ever met and tell her that you have to keep the kids away because it's best for the children. It's so unfair. Essentially they are losing or at least seriously lessening the contact and companionship they share with my children because the situation won't allow them to be there with them. It's almost a greiving process. There is so much suffering in the world and it causes me much guilt and heavy heartedness to have to bring unhappiness to some people that I admire, respect and love. Why can't I have to stick the suffering to some hateful crackhead that deserves it. It always has to be to the nice people in the world. This life thing certainly is complicated. I still really feel like such a child on the inside. I feel like this situation is bigger than I am and requires more maturity than I have to offer. I don't have a firm grasp on this situation at all. I'm trying to be as educated on the disease as possible so that as far as my children are concerned I can make the right decisions. Yeah, I know what the right thing here to do is.....I'm just scared to do it and trying to find a reason that I might be wrong so I don't have to do it or face it. Suck. Alheimer's is notorious for being destructive and difficult for families to manage. It's almost always harder on the caregiver or people available to relieve caregivers (myself) than anyone. I'm just really scared how it will affect my family as a whole. My heart really hurts for my MIL. I wish I could fix it.