The following reading may not be suitable for children:

I will sum up the whole gist of this post with a big WTF?!!! That is my current dominant thought. WTF! So today my boss (very sweet lady. reminds me of my mom) says that she and I need to have a "meeting". Great! A meeting. I missed work all last week because I had food poisoning so at this point I'm sure that I'm getting in trouble. In fact, I was sure I was getting fired. A whole bunch of stuff went on last week in my office and I feared that I was going to be the fall guy. In fact it would not have surprised me for one moment if I had been fired. But that was not the case. This meeting was supposed to be at 2pm. So all day I got to sit at my desk and do my work just knowing that my pink slip was prepared and just waiting to be handed to me. It did not make for a good morning. So eventually this meeting time rolls around. It appears serious as someone actually comes up to cover my desk and my boss closes the door with us in her office. That door never ever closes. Great. She seemed a little nervous to talk to me. She is one of those really nice ladies that never wants to discuss something negative. Ok...pause...this is where you need background info. For the last 6 weeks or so I have felt very uncomfortable at work. I work in a small office and their are cliques and such. Everyone has been there a long time and I'm walking into a tightly knit office. I have always been very friendly to everyone as I am just generally a nice person. Can anyone think of someone that I have been mean to? No. Why? Because I am NOT mean. I'm a kind person who wears her heart on her sleeve and is always nice to everyone. I've been uncomfortable because in spite of my niceness the majority of my office has just put up a wall and shut me out. I will try to talk to people and have everyday conversation and they basically roll their eyes at me and walk away. Yet I continue to be nice and make an effort. So Unpause.....back to my boss's office. She says to me, "This is not a formal thing, it's not an evaluation or official anything. I just wanted to talk to you about some things." Then she goes on to tell me that 5 or 6 employees have said to her that I am not nice, very unfriendly and kind of rude. This is where the WTF part comes in. I am in utter shock!!! First I cried. Yeah, I know...so not grown up and very unprofessional, but she touched on a nerve as this issue has been bothering me. She said she was kind of confused because she hears me when people come into the office or call and I'm always very kind and joke with them and make conversation. She gives several examples of times she has seen me make an effort with people etc. I looked at my kind boss and replied, "Excuse me but this is the biggest load of bs I've ever heard. I have been nothing but nice to everyone in this office. I have put out my best effort to make friends and talk with people but the majority of the people here want nothing to do with me." Then I gave several (maybe 10) examples of times that I tried to approach people and was completely shut down. The good news is that my boss was on my side and saw my point of view. She said that yes these people were not being nice and perhaps it was they that needed to make the effort. I told her it sounded like they hadn't actually lodged a complaint with her but just said an off the cuff office gossip type remark. Yeah, she agreed. Then I got really mad. I told her that the thing that irritated me the most about this entire conversation was that we are all adults and instead of these people saying something to me about it THEY WENT TO MY BOSS. They went to my boss over a petty caddy little personal issue. I told her that if any of these people (whom I still don't know who they are, but I have a good idea) had said anything at all to me that I had just seemed unfriendly to them to would have promptly apologized because I would never have done that on purpose. If I had purposely done something with malicious intent I can understand why it would be neccessary to go to my boss, but over something so petty and ridiculous? Give me a break. You think that when you graduate high school that you can finally leave all the jr high/high school drama type stuff behind, but then you become and adult and realize that a vast majority of "grown-ups" still act like that. It just makes me want to give out spankings. I am so completely floored over this situation. I mean, are you kidding me? No really, seriously, you have to be joking. What a waste of my afternoon. I even told my boss that I would bet anything that these people that said these things are probably women in their 30's and 40's. I don't want to stereotype here, but I guess I am anyway. For some reason women in that age range just don't like me. I don't know if it's because I'm younger or what, but they aren't my biggest fans. She said I was right, that they are. Yep. (Here's the part where my boss story ends and I just vent everything I have to say into my blog.) I'm sorry if I'm in my 20s and you are not. I'm sorry if I take pride in my appearance and wear nice clothes and spend money to have my hair done. I'm sorry if I carry myself with confidence (not arrogance, just being sure of myself). I'm sorry if I have had 2 children and do not weigh 300 lbs like you think I should. I'm sorry if I'm married, have children and DO NOT SUCK. I'm sorry if I'm super fun and you are not. I'm sorry if you have nothing better to do than be intimidated by me or jealous of me because I have nice clothes and a nice family and a nice outlook. I'm sorry if you have a problem with me because I have been nice to you when you don't deserve. Well, actually I'm not sorry at all. I'm am just a nice lady, who makes an effort to be kind to everyone, and has been fortunate and blessed enough to have a family that loves me and a few nice belongings. If you are so miserable that you can't accept someone that is genuinely kind to you and happens to be in a nice place in life then you can just go suck it! I will not be miserable because you gossip. I will not be intimidated because you say unkind things to my boss. You will not make me uncomfortable in my own office anymore. It's not up to you where I work, how I work or whether I stay at my job. I work there, so do you, if you can't deal with me then stay the hell out of my way. Otherwise you might have the unfortunate experience of me asking you how your day was or if you had a nice holiday. Love me or leave me alone. I run this ship, don't make me throw you overboard.

So there you have it. That was my wonderful day at work today. With that being said...good riddance to the poo poo year I've had in 2007. May 2008 be a better year!

2007 In Review:

This has been a year of tremendous loss and tremendous growth. I have confronted several issues both in the world and inside myself. I guess all one can hope for in any given year is to learn some new things. I have certainly done that this year.

In 2007 we lost Chris's grandfather. He was a strong man who had lived a long life. He had some of the most interesting stories about surviving WWII or growing up during the depression. His hands had weathered many years of hard labor. He had seen things that no one should have to see. He was an example of what all man can endure and still come out with a kind and generous heart. His trials did not harden him, but made him more thankful for every blessing he had. He had a passion for life that was inspiring.

We also lost one of our very best friends this year in May. I had no idea how much this one event would change my life, but it did nonetheless. Derrick was the kind of guy that would give you everything he had even if he had nothing. He never wanted to inconvenience anyone. He was always the first person to say he was sorry if anything went wrong. From the day I met him, he never treated me like I was Myers girlfriend/wife. We had a friendship of our own. I have so many good memories of Derrick and the times we had together. Like most of the people who have been a part of my life for the last 8 years he came as part of a package deal. I didn't just get Chris. I got Chris and all his childhood friends. 8 years ago I would have never guessed how thankful I would be to have them all. When Derrick died the world stood still for the first time in a very very long time. Losing a such a good friend in such a tragic way has changed the way I look at almost everything. If I can say that anything good has come from losing a friend it's that I will never again make the mistake of not noticing what's going on around me. I will miss Derrick forever and I hope the lesson of losing him stays with me just as long. I would give anything to be able to change the way things turned out with him. I also vowed to always be a better friend.

The most important thing that has happened in my life this year is that life has slowed down. I really took the time to get my priorities in order. I did a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying, and a lot of growing up. I learned how devasting it can be to have toxic people in my life, and how rewarding it can be to cut them out. It's hard to just kick people out of your life, but sometimes it's just for the greater good. I embraced the fact that my family is my biggest passion and searched for ways to strengthen my part as a wife, mother, daughter, niece, cousin, etc. Nothing is more important to me than my family and I want every ounce of my life to contribute to that. I also saw a very protective and somewhat ugly side of myself when I felt as though my family was threatened. For a moment in my life I felt capable of really horrible behavior to protect everything I love. Now I know why it's so much more dangerous to encounter wild animals in the woods when it's a mother with her babies. What I lack in muscle I could have made up for in heart. LOL.

Life has moved so fast over the last decade that I cut corners almost everywhere in my life. I recognize the repercussions of that now. There is no substitute for slowing down enough to do things right the first time around. I was able to spend some extra time with my children this year while I spent some time enjoying unemployment. My children taught me more about myself in 6 months than I could have ever imagined. They forced me to really look at myself, my behavior, my thoughts, my attitude, and how it effects those around me. I had to confront some ugly things about myself, which was hard, but hopefully it made me a better person and a better mother. My children are the greatest treasure I could have ever recieved. I am so thankful for them and the innocent beauty they bring to my life. They are growing so fast! They are growing faster than I can grow with them!

2007 has been quite a year inside my head. I don't feel at all that I am the same person I was when the year started. It just feels like I'm looking at the world through different eyes. I'm happy. My family is happy. My husband and children love me. I really couldn't ask for more. The best piece of advice I received this year was, "Be still and listen." The whole world can change if you stand still for just a moment. The voice God put inside my heart is louder than ever and I'm learning to listen. So all in all, I'm thankful for everything I learned this year. I will always miss the loved ones we lost in 2007 but I'm thankful for the time I was able to share with them. I hope in 2008 I can continue my journey of personal growth and remain truly aware of who I am and how I effect others in my life. Hopefully I will move the people I love in positive ways. I still say I was intended to be a hippie just born a little too late. :)

Jackpot

How did I get so lucky? I owe God a big one for giving me these two. :) I love my children.

Christmas, Christmas and more Christmas

You know what I love about Christmas? Letting people I know what their presents are and then taunting them about what it might be. LOL. This has been my favorite game for as long as I can remember. I remember living in Spring, Texas standing outside my mother's closet teasing her about what her present was. When we lived in Spring I was about 5. It's not the politest game in the world but it sure is FUN!!!!

Now on the other hand I'm being a total lamo for Christmas this year. Caden has been super sick with his worst ear infection ever this last week. I missed 4 days of work. We still don't know if there is damage to his eardrum yet. We have to go back and see. Anyway, now I'm sick. I'm dragging on to work because I only showed up one day last week. I don't get paid again until Thursday..........so my shopping has not yet begun. It will start promptly at 5:30 pm Thursday evening and then continue Friday evening. That is all the time I have folks. My inlaw Christmas is Saturday and my family Christmas is Sunday. So if I got your name, guess what? You are getting a super sucky rotten thoughtless present. LOL. OK, maybe not. I have put a good deal of thought into our gifts I just have limited time to get from store to store. I work very near Penn Square so maybe I can sneak in some lunch time shopping. Of course the one time I tried that before (there was an awesome boot sale in Macy's) I got sucked in and lost track of time and went back 15 minutes late. They really don't care about that if it's every now and then but still I'm not trying to get fired. I just can't resist going into every store. An hour just isn't long enough. I like to enjoy my shopping. Well, it's kid free shopping though so it will be enjoyed nonetheless

At the moment Chris is quizzing me on what his presents are. I'm lying about every hint. LMAO. I love Christmas.

Have a beautiful day!

PLEASE PRAY FOR MY GRANDMA

Please keep my grandma Irene in your prayers. This woman is amazing and inspirational and the perfect example of how a life should be lived. Yesterday morning she fell and broke her hip. Mom and I (and the rest of the family) spent the day at Shawnee hospital. Grandma had surgery this morning. She is expected to be in the hospital for 3-5 days. Then they will move her to another facility that is more like a rehab center. She will be there for 6 weeks. I don't know if grandma can handle being away from her home for 6 weeks. The main concern is that she does not develop pneumonia after surgery. The doctor said that 30% of older patients that break their hip die post surgery bc they get pnuemonia and can't overcome it. They have her on a respirator to minimize the risk of catching it. Nevertheless, she is in a lot of pain. Yesterday I saw my grandma cry for the first time. Jeanie and I were the only ones in the room. Grandma started crying and said, "I'm just a big baby." I promptly told her that she was not a baby and she's the strongest person I know. I told her she would be just fine and we would all get her thru it. She had 54 people in the waiting room 54 people!!! And those were all just children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. I lost count when her friends started showing up. So please pray for my grandma so that she may have some comfort and a speedy recovery. It would be much appreciated.