Oh dear....

My how the emails pour in at a mention of a tattoo. You would think I was contemplating selling one of my children on Ebay or something. I love my family. It's good to know that I have people who love me and look out for my best interest. At 19 when I got my first tattoo I probably would have gotten all defensive and declared, "I've made up my mind! Stop trying to force your beliefs on me!" LOL. Not now. I'm much too grown to misunderstand genuine love for pushiness. Does that mean I have been convinced that I should make my decision according to what others think is appropriate? Not so much. But I am very proud of myself for recognizing that my father's urging and such simply comes from a place of love and concern. I suppose that is something I can credit to being a parent myself now. On a side note.....I have been doing some tattoo research on the internet. HA HA HA HA is my response to some of the things I've seen. From memorial tattoo's for a cat (really!?) to an "I'd rather be dead than cool" belly tattoo....I've seen too much.

In other news......last night I walked up behind Macy while she was playing pretend. She was potty training her Polly Pocket. It was adorable. She is such a little mother. She has a doll she named Gracie. It has taken the place of that icky pacifier which we have finally banished!!!! She is such a gentle loving little girl.

Caden seems to be doing well in preschool this year. I do not like his teacher too much. Not for any particular reason. She's just kinda cranky and not exactly my type of person. I don't suppose that makes her a bad teacher though so I am not going to worry about it. The director on the other hand is really frustrating me. She speaks down to me as though I'm a child (which I already get enough of thank you) and always finds a way to make me feel incompetent. I'm afraid that if she keeps being rude, seemingly on purpose, I will have to find another preschool. That is all to be determined later though. *Sigh* Caden is turning 4 and I do not like this. He might as well be married with his own family living 3 states away. Ugh.

Got Ink?

I deal with a lot of anxiety in my life. I always have. When I was younger my anxiety showed itself mostly by keeping me pretty serious all the time. I was too afraid to let loose and just be myself. As I got older it really started to manifest itself in other ways. At one point when I was about 22 it got to where I was having panic attacks and could barely even drive. I took some medication for awhile, but I don't want to be doped up. There is too much in life that requires all of my senses at their fullest. I quit taking that stuff when I got pregnant with Caden. Then I just never went back on it. Anyway, I get overwhelmed very easily. Being a wife and a mom is a hard job. The level of difficulty in my everyday life is greatly enhanced by the fact that my children are so close in age. They are only 19 months apart. Managing a 2 year old and a 3 year old that gang up on me is tough. It's almost like having twins sometimes. But anyway, I deal with a lot of anxiety. I get overwhelmed alot and unfortunately fairly easily. I don't really like who I feel like I am sometimes. I fly off the handle or I say things I shouldn't or don't mean. I find that a lot of times I'm just this really ugly person that just wants to blame everyone else for the way I feel. I react too quickly. I want to be able to slow down, take a deep breath and extinguish my anxiety or my temper. I really want to be an incredible mom and an incredible person. For me, that means that I have to stop being so reactive. There is an awful lot in my everyday life that I just can't control, and I drive myself crazy trying to do something about it. Alot of my stress is self induced by this super mom fantasy I have in my head. I could go on forever about that, but I will not. So long story short I am having the word "Breathe" tattoo'd on my right wrist. It's my dominant hand. I will see it when I reach for things or throw my hands up in dispair or when I dole out spankings. LOL. It's just my reminder to slow down. It's just my way of keeping the anxiety at bay. You know, just BREATHE.

Say what you will about tattoos. There isn't anything you can say my father hasn't already lectured me about. The truth is that you just have to let people be who they are. You can't expect people to live the way you would rather. I'm sure that Dad will give me the yelling of a lifetime. Or probably he will just say nothing and give me that "I'm so disappointed look" that I can't stand. But the truth is that he would be much more disappointed if he saw the way I yell and gripe and stomp around. It's not good for me or for the people I love. I'm trying to get to a new place in my life and I could use all the friendly little reminders that I can get. When I got my first tattoo (bet you didn't even know I had one) at 19 I sure got in trouble. When Chris got the kids names put on his neck Dad swore Chris wouldn't be able to get a job. Chris actually has a good job and tattoos are not viewed as the acts of rebellion they used to be. In fact, I think that if a tattoo has a very personal meaning for you they can be very beautiful and sometimes theraputic. When I say theraputic I mean for the soul. Tons of people get memorial tattoos to remember lost loved ones by. Some people get them to signify a big change in their life. Some get them to portray who they are literally on their sleeve. Will I end up tattoo'd from head to toe? Nah. That just isn't me. I have one tat hidden away that most people never see. One that I will get next week that all the world can see......and that's probably it. I did jokingly tell mom today though that if I ever end up with alzheimers I'm going to have some type of identification tattoo put on me. LOL. You just never know where you can end up when you wander off.

Let's Talk

Why is it that everytime I am in a hurry at the gas station I get stuck in line behind the lottery idiot? For the love of Pete! If you have questions about the lottery please refer to lottery.ok.gov not your local gas station attendant. For one thing the people stuck behind you in line are secretly plotting how to rip out your cheap hair extensions and fill your gas tank with water because you are wasting our time. And secondly, the dude behind the counter is most likely stoned and doesn't know or care about the answer to your question. Another thing........if you have to pay for your $1 lotto ticket in all pennies.....just put the coins back in the piggy bank and save for something else.

Why is it that crazy people think I want to hear about all of their problems? I have one particular person in mind here. None of the Sanders family know her so I'm relatively safe venting here. Please, please do not call me and tell me your sob story about how your life is so bad and blah blah blah is going wrong. Guess what? You are an idiot by choice not by circumstance. I have no pity for you and I'm certainly not interested in your lunatic ramblings. And furthermore.......the fact that your child survived into adulthood is a blessed miracle of God bc you certainly have no idea what you are doing. How can one bumble along from day to day without a clue in thier head? The conclusion I am left with is that you must have a very strong guardian angel because you certainly have not survived on your own.

I'm actually in a really good mood. I just wanted to tell the world that if you are going to buy a lotto ticket know what you want before you get there, and if you are crazy....please don't try to take me in as a confidant. I'm just not interested. This blog just made me think of the State Fair. Last year I decided that I would never never never go to the fair on a Saturday night ever again. LMAO. Please, just picture the crowd I was walking thru. The only reason we went that night was because work had given us free tickets to Disney on Ice. Normal people know that if you don't want to be swamped by the crazies of Oklahoma at the fair you must go at a random time like Tuesday afternoon. The fair is coming up in the next few weeks. If you are feeling down about yourself just go to the fair. I promise you will see at least 150 people that will make you realize that your life is glitz and glamour compared to theirs. If it comes down to it you can always just rely on the fact that you have more teeth than anyone else there. LOL. Oh boy....this is going to be a long evening for me!

Caden's Kickin First Day of School Hair

If this doesn't warm your heart then you just don't have one....

Yesterday I was trying to convince Caden that he needed to clean his room. I realize that my children are 2 and 3 years old but they are actually pretty good at picking up after themselves. I have been relentless about throwing away your trash when you're done and putting your dishes in the sink. Little Macy has to get on her tippy toes but she does put her dishes in the sink when she's finished eating, both of them do without being told. Even at Macy's bday party she would not throw her wrapping paper in the floor until I told her it was okay just this time. So anyway, Caden needed to clean his room. Macy cleaned hers the first time I told her to. Caden needed a little convincing. I sat him down and said, "Caden, Daddy works very hard so that we have money to buy you toys. Not all kids get to have a bunch of toys like you do. Some mommies and daddies don't have enough money left over to get to buy lots of toys. You are very lucky to have the things you do. So, you need to be thankful for what you have and take care of your toys by putting them away." I figured my speech would go in one ear and out the other. I always try to talk to my children just like anyone else. I don't baby talk them or dumb things down for them. I thought it might have been a little over his head though. I was so wrong. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, his face all lit up and just like he had come up with the most amazing idea ever said, "Hey! Maybe we can get all of the toys we are finished playing with and take them to all the kids that don't have any toys!" He was so proud of his statement. I was so proud too. I'm not going to lie. My eyes teared up. I find that I am much more emotional as a mother as I ever was before. He immediately cleaned his entire room. We haven't gone thru his toys yet, but all that evening and all day today he has been asking when we can gather up our used toys to take to kids that need them. I am so proud of my son. He has a very genuine generousity inside him that inspires me. When he said that to me it made me feel like I must be doing something right.

Caden is at such a wonderful age. He's in that stage where the things he comes up with are hilarious. This is definately my favorite age so far. He asks why every other sentence but he seems to really grasp the answers I give him. I'm telling you, if you are ever feeling down or just in a slump or something come to my house and spend 10 minutes with Caden. I promise you that you will leave feeling happy and refreshed. And you will probably leave with a funny joke or two to tell your friends about my silly little Caden.

In summation....Caden inspired me this week to genuinly reach out to other people who are in need. He had absolutely no hesitation at all to part with his toys so that other children would have something to play with. I admire his unselfishness and hope it has rubbed off on me!

Hello again

Good things are in the works. I'm half way thru my process of being gainfully employed again. I love staying home with the kids, but each time I take a try at being a stay at home mom I realize that it's better for me to work. Chris and I get along better because we are not so worried about money and my time with the kids is better spent because I have to make the most of every moment. It truly is the hardest job in the world to be a full time mom/housewife. So to those of you that can do it and do it well my hat is off to you. The Lord has heard many pleas for patience from me lately. The job I applied for pays 17.50 an hour. I'm half way thru the process and it seems like everything is going to work out. It just takes a little while with background checks and all. So hopefully I will be bringing in some money of my own soon. Which 17.50 an hour is a nice little paycheck. So I'm looking forward to that.



We went camping last weekend. We had so much fun that we are going back again this next week. We will leave on Sun and get back Wed. It was a great time. That was my first time to sleep in a tent. It was interesting. We camped out on a friends land near Ft Cobb. We had to drive thru 2 miles of cornfield just to get to a clearing big enough to set up camp. Luckily a soybean field had been recently plowed so we had a nice big area to set up. We built a bonfire and roasted hot dogs and had smores and the whole bit. We camped at night and spent the entire daytime on the lake. I had to laugh at Chris. I had some 50 spf sunblock and some spf 4 tanning lotion. He got them mixed up. He put the sunblock all over where he wanted a tan and put the tanning lotion on his face and shoulders. LOL. Needless to say he wound up very sunburned and very funny looking. It really was pretty funny but I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. After all, we got on the water at 9:30 am and stayed until dark. We only left the lake briefly to eat. I have these socks that go up over my knees. When we were at camp I wore them with shorts and tennis shoes. Everyone made fun of me for wearing them but I was thinking ahead. I did not have one chigger bite or mosquito bite on my legs or feet. Everyone else got eaten up despite their bugspray. I think that when we go back I might see some long socks on a few more people. :) I might look like a dork but I'm smart. The coyotes were scary at night. I have decided that coyotes are not my friend! We took a box of firecrackers with us. Everytime the coyotes started getting loud or sounded like they might be close we set a couple of them off. It did a good job of scaring them off. I was nervous to sleep though. I thought who is going to scare them away while we are sleeping? Our friend Andi's uncle lives a mile or two from the land we were on and he did a great job of explaining how many creepy things were in the woods. Heard all about the wild boars and snakes and whatnot. Needless to say I did not sleep very much at all! It was a really great time though. I can't wait til Sunday when we are headed back that way again. It's a little longer trip this time. I'm just super pumped that Dad and Chris now have a nice boat that works all the time that we can take anywhere at any moment. This is a foreign concept to dad. He's so much in the business of having old junker boats that don't run that I'm not sure what he'll do with a boat that works. He hasn't even gone out on it yet. He's been gone all summer. Don't get me wrong. I certainly don't mind keeping the boat at my house and taking it out every weekend!

I'm very thankful that my kids have so many grandparents! Without them it would not be possible to take these little mini vacations. The kids stayed with my inlaws last weekend. This time mom wants the kids to stay with her. Dad doesn't really like the kids to stay at his house more than 2 or 3 hours. He has a low stress threshold. LOL. Since Dad is coming home on the 11th she wanted to have them stay with her a few days before he gets back. I keep teasing Dad that he's going to have to learn how to hang out with the children! He is the "not fun" grandpa and we can't have that! I've worked very very hard the last 10 years trying to teach dad how to have a little fun. Life has to be more than just studying stock and reading text books. LOL. I love him dearly and I'm impressed with his intellegence. We just have to work on getting him to loosen up every now and then.

Let's see......anything else? Hmm.....Harley is doing great. We got him checked over and fixed and the whole bit. He is growing! Took him to the vet for an initial check and he weighed 50 pounds. 8 days later when he got fixed he weighed 56. That was 2 weeks ago. He's got to be at least 63 or so lbs now. We finally figured out that he is boxer and mastiff mix. Jeez. Mastiffs get to be like 200 lbs. And this dog is just a puppy now! Vet said he was abut 8 months old. So I guess we have lots more growing to do. If he gets bigger than I am he's outta here. I have a strict policy on animals that outweigh me. It makes me nervous! I guess that's all for now. This camping trip I will take a bunch of pictures. I tried to last time but the camera battery died after 2 pics. So I will put some pics up on here next week. I'm sure there will be on myspace too. Take care everyone. Hope to see my family soon!