It happens

We don't always get to choose the events in our life that ultimately define who we are. Some things in life are just larger than we are, and those events will leave their footprints on our life whether we are willing participants or not. Some of the bigger impacts that have been made in my life have come in the form of a whisper. Others have taken over my life in unprecedented fashion. I don't know why or how all of these things in life weave themselves into the fabric of "me", but somehow they do. I try to find solace in that when life brings me great pain perhaps I will rise from the situation with a greater knowledge or perspective than I ever would have before. Tragedy is simply an unavoidable part of life. If I can find some reason to believe that tragedy is molding me into a better person than perhaps I can survive it.

Refresh

Seems like a good time to refresh. Change the page. Change the title. Look forward to the new. What's better than old times? New times. As adolescents and young adults, people spend a lot of time looking forward to the future. Envisioning life. Making rite of passage checklists. All those years of staying up late, looking at stars, dreaming of what life would be. It's a very romantic time in life. The very unfortunate thing that I have noticed is how many people let the romance with life die when the to do list is all checked off. Now you've got the spouse, and the kids, and the house, and the job, and the cars, and all the passages so romanticized by teen angst. Now what? Become consumed with all the responsibilites of day to day life? Spend the rest of days cleaning the gutters, doing the yard work and washing endless loads of laundry? Surely we don't spend all those years dreaming just to end up mindlessly completing all the obligatory chores in life and seeking nothing more. Everyone knows someone that tells too many stories of old times. "Oh, those were the days!" Really? Youth was great. They were good days. But were they "THE" days? What's wrong with today? I have to wonder, at what point in life do we switch over from looking forward to the rest of our lives to looking back at what was? I turned 30. It made me a little sad. I felt some nostalgia over old times. But I also realized how much I still have ahead of me and what I have right now. Once I checked all the things off my list I became afraid to grow older. When I was a kid, I would look at my parents, who sat in the same living room night after night, weekend after weekend and think......being a grown up sucks. I honestly thought that at some point, that is just what you do. You stay home, raise your kids, lose touch with old friends, and have nothing much to do other than maintain. I'm relieved to find out I was wrong. I've watched several of my friends fall into the "I'm married and have children so I have to stay home and be boring and do nothing for myself ever" pit. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel sorry for them. I can only hope that the same passion that fueled my youth, will carry me throughout my entire life. Fight the fizzle! I love my life. I can't imagine not being a "doer". I like to go and do. Pretty much anything works. I refuse to stifle myself just for the simple fact that I have a family to raise. I want my kids to grow up knowing that getting older is nothing to be afraid of. I don't feel like I have to give up the things in life that are out there to be enjoyed just because I have a lot of responsibilities. I enjoy living life and while life can be more than exhausting at times it can not make us lazy! How many times have I heard old friends use their spouses or children as scapegoats for damn near everything? More than I can count. I'm tired of hearing how having a family is your disability! I'm looking forward to the future. I'm enjoying today. I hope that I can grow older knowing that while the past was good, today and tomorrow are even better. Bring on the 30's. I'm ready for them now.

MYers calendar of events

Here are some upcoming events that you should be aware of.

Thursday April 16th 6:30-7:30 Caden and Macy have an ART SHOW! They have been working hard on their art projects. The show is at their preschool. 8200 S. Pennsylvania Southern Hills United Methodist Church.

Saturday April 18th- The American Heart Association "Heart Walk" begins at 8:00 am. Chris and I will be downtown gasping thru a 3 mile walk. We would love for anyone who can to join us. Not only can you burn some calories and enjoy a beautiful stroll through downtown OKC but you can support heart health awareness. We are still fundraising and have not yet met our goal. If you don't want to take the 3 or 1 mile walk we welcome your donations!

Thursday April 23-Sunday April 26- Chris and I will be out of town fishing at our biggest tournament of the year. On average there are 60+ teams. Two years ago we finished 12th. Last year we finished 8th. 1st place gets $1,000. The prizes are very generous and hopefully we will continue our climb in the rankings. So keep your fingers crossed for us. Really I'll be happy if I can just catch a bigger fish than Chris.

Wednesday May 20th- The darkest of all days...I officially turn 30 years old. In lew of the great depression I will be entering on this day I will be requiring my family to have dinner with me. :) Sami got to have an 18th bday family dinner....so I want a 30th bday dinner. I don't care where or what day. I would just like to spend some time with my family. After all I'm getting old. I might forget who you are if I don't see you soon.

Further down the road is Macy's birthday. There will also be a host of tball games over the spring. When I get an official tball schedule I will be sure to post it. I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that you all can make at least one game this season. You won't regret it. It's truly a priceless way to spend your evening!

ALSO....we have been tossing around the idea of inviting the whole family to our farm. Yes, I know....it's a 2 hour drive. But, we were thinking that we are really proud of the farm and would love to share it with the whole family. Maybe sometime near the 4th of July we can have everyone out for a giant cook out and set off firecrackers. There are 2 fishing ponds and I lay down the dare to outfish me. If you can catch more fish than I can I will buy you dinner. LOL. Sounds like a win/win situation. You can catch fish and have a lovely dinner date. If we were to try to have a whole day cookout/firework party way out in the country.....would you consider coming? What good is it to have 220 acres and not share it with friends?

So, there is my upcoming calendar of events. I hope that I will be seeing you all soon!

This is my real life

Conversations that took place in my life today:

Caden:"Macy come here. Let me give you a kiss."
Macy:"No Caden! Leave me alone!"
Caden:"Come on Macy. I'm your brother give me just one kiss and a hug."
Macy:"No Caden!! I told you to leave me alone! You're just trying to wipe a booger on me!"
Mommy:(just actually registering the backseat conversation)Caden is that true?
Caden:(laughter)"Yeah, I'm trying to wipe my booger on her. I don't eat mine like she does."


Macy: "When I marry Luke I'm going to have a baby brother and a baby sister."
Mommy: "No Macy. When you have babies they will be your sons and daughters. If I have babies they will be your brother or sister."
Caden: "Will Harley (our male boxer) have babies?"
Mommy: "No Harley will not have babies. Only girls can HAVE babies. Boys can be Dads but they can't actually have the baby."
Caden: "Are you sure? Because Daddy's belly is pretty big. It looks like he is going to have a baby."

Today has been an interesting day. My children keep me on my toes. Today I also refrained from being a "psycho mom" which I freqently refer to. As my temper flared I reminded myself how much I run my mouth about learning my lesson about being an overzealous parent. One of my favorite words is "inappropriate". A fellow Tball mom acted quite inappropriately and I felt a deep temptation to shove her down the bleachers and give her my full blown opinion. I held my tongue though. It was quite difficult. If the truth be known, I actually did not blow up at her because I didn't want to embarass my child. Not because it was the mature thing to do. Maturity is over rated. LOL. Nevertheless I did a noble thing by engaging my vocal emergency brake. As a woman, when your children are involved it creates such a high sensitivity level and intense protective nature. Nature vs. Nurture. Today the nurture side won, but it's awfully hard to fight off that instinctive nature to be alpha mom. Ugh. Alpha mom. What a ugly thing. I prefer to rule the pride with my essence. LMAO.

Pictures from Spring Break

Over Spring Break we spent several days at the farm. One day we spent the day fishing the farm pond. The next day we went to Konowa lake. The next day we went to Wetumka lake. By then I was ready to go home. My sunburn was ridiculous and I was tired of being trapped on a boat with 2 kids and a dog. Here are the pictures I took. We had a really good time and the kids are great fishermen. It turns out that Harley is an excellent boater. He acted like he had been on a boat a million times. He is such a great dog. In fact he behaved better than the children. LOL.

Tonight is Caden's first Tball game of the season. I can't wait to post pictures. Their uniforms this year are awesome.

Oh, and I saw Daniel on his way out of town today. I'm really proud of him. He's a strong man. I talked to Jason last night for over an hour. I really enjoyed my conversation with him. Every member of this family is so incredibly priceless to me. I love you all! I hope you enjoy these pictures. That is all for now.

Love me without limit

I was having a converstaion with a friend the other day and she said, "We only give each other the good parts of us....." Now that I think about it, she's right. It's natural human nature to promote the best parts of us to other people and do our best to hide the bad parts. There is good and bad in all of us. I don't know why we all try so hard to pretend like we are only the good parts. Bad things happen when we keep secrets. I guess I've always felt like if people know the bad stuff about me they might stop loving me. Which brings me to my ultimate question. How do you be unconditional? One of the lessons I remember most from church is to love unconditionally and leave the judgement to God. I'm going to be very honest for a few minutes. I left the church when I was 21. And I left it because of numerous expereinces that still sting to this day. Was it the right way to deal with the pain those church people caused me? No, probably not. But it's the action that I took at that time and it's something I'm trying to sort through. If you want to know the story I will be happy to tell you. Anyhow, I've learned over and over how to be conditional. I had a best friend (or so I thought) growing up that only loved me and stood by me when I was doing what she felt was appropriate. Any mistakes out of me and her back was turned. I experienced this time and time again with my church family too. As long as you are on the straight and narrow we accept you or "Oh you made a mistake? You are out on your own and I can't be seen talking to you or people will think I'm a sinner too." As you can tell I still harbor some bitterness. God and I are working through that together. I'm almost 30 now and it still hurts as bad as the day it happened. Well anyway, my question is how to be unconditional. I think this is a question that our entire family is facing right now and I would like to know how this is supposed to be done.

Webster's Dictionary defines "Unconditional" as absolute or without limit. It is not often in life that we come across people who truly love us unconditionally. No matter how loved or supported we feel there is always a nagging question in the back of the mind that says "If I share all my bad parts with them too are they going to leave me?" Most of us would rather be loved conditionally than not loved at all. I think that's true whether people admit it or not. That's why we drag out all these relationships that are bad for us. We know beter but we do anyway because we want to be loved. In all those sermons I sat thru telling me that christians love one another unconditionally, etc....I don't think that one time it was ever explained to me how to carry that out. How do I love you uncondtionally but still demand to be repected? How do I love you without limit but do not allow you to use me? How do you disagree with someone actions but not let it effect your love for them? I know that our family is going thru a very difficult time right now. I try to seek out the meaning in things. Perhaps this is my opportunity to learn how to truly practice this unconditional love I've been instructed to carry out my entire life. With all of us finding ourselves on the side of the situation that we do perhaps we can help each other love our family member without limit while disagreeing with certain actions at the same time.

I tend to share the best parts of me too. Just so you know I have a horrible temper. I yell too much. I am impatient. I gossip. Sometimes I judge people and I know I shouldn't. Sometimes I say more than I am entitled to and I don't feel guily about it. There. Now you know a few of my bad parts too. If I listed them all the internet would run out of space. It is my hopes to share all of who I am with the people in my life. Whether it is the pleasant stuff or the nitty gritty. I am who I am. Maybe if I give you all of me you will either love me wholly or not all all. Anything in between just isn't worth it.

It'll all eventually be okay.....

I say all the time how much I love my family. Well, I particularly love my family right now. ALL of them. Some families fall apart when things go wrong but I'm proud to be part of a family that draws strength from one another. There is nothing better on a bad day than being surrounded by people you love. Today I am thankful for my family. I am blessed to share my life with so many great people. It's easy to be related. It takes effort to be invested. I'm glad we are invested. :)