DBV

I am beginning to dislike Oreo's

Oreo's. Children love them. They are perfect with milk. They are fun to take apart and lick the icing. HOWEVER...as a mother I have decided I dislike Oreo's. If any of the crumbs become slightly soggy, which children have a talent for doing, the little tiny dark brown crumbs stick to my kitchen tile with a vengance. Mopping is not one of my favorite things to do. Especially in this house. While our ceramic tile looks very nice it is high maintenance. Getting the grout clean is a chore. A regular mop won't do the job. We even have a special ceramic tile cleaner that looks like a small vaccuum. If you push it with one side it vaccuums flip it and it works somewhat like a carpet shampoo machine. I've been thru machines and mops and so far the thing that works best is a $5 sponge mop from Dollar General. Go figure. Anyway, after sweeping and mopping my floor last night I spent another 20 minutes on my knees picking off little oreo crumbs with my fingernails. And of course today what do my children want for an after school snack? OREO'S!!! YAYYYY!!! Perhaps I will just start buying the vanilla ones. Now what do I do with the rest of my Sam's jumbo pack of chocolate oreo's? LOL. I love my children. I dislike their cookies! If ever I choose a new tile for my kitchen it will not be a light off white color. And the grout will be very dark on purpose! :)

Birthday plans

I'm getting started on ideas for Caden's birthday party. I am soooo not domestic when it comes to things like this. It would be easier if we knew more children. Only two of our friends have children and they only get them every other weekend so I'm not sure if their weekend coincides with his birthday. There is a really great park on SW 119th and Portland. It's called South Lakes. It was built in 2005 so all of the equipment is new and it's very clean and nice. It's a little bit out of the way so it's never very crowded. It's a really nice park. They have 15 or so soccer fields and a basketball court. They even have fishing ponds. There are 3 seperate play areas divided by age appropriateness. I was thinking that if the weather is nice possibly having it there and doing a cookout. There is plenty of room for the FEW kids to run and play and the pavillion area is really nice. November is pretty iffy with weather though. When Caden was born everyone came to the hospital in shorts and t-shirts. He's had a cold birthday too. There is just no way of telling what the Oklahoma weather will be like that time of year. Most likely we will just end up having a simple little party at home. Our house is so small though. I guess if it's at home the neighborhood kids can come play. Maybe I'll get fancy and send out invitations this time instead of just putting up a blog invite. Then everyone will know for sure that they are welcome to attend. I keep asking him what he wants for his birthday and he always says, "Toys, cake and clothes." I think it's strange for a little boy to ask for clothes or his birthday but what can I say? The kid likes looking good. LOL. It's hard not to be beautiful with all that hair he's got. :) One thing is for sure. No more incredible pizza birthdays for awhile! That place makes me crazy! The internet is not that helpful for ideas either. Everything I can find is for big groups of kids. Nothing on a room full of adults + 2 kids. Well, I'm sure I'll figure something out. It will probably just be easiest to stay home and cram everyone into my tiny house. Maybe we will cook some burgers or something too. It all depends on the FOOTBALL SCHEDULE. I find that during football season I should just go ahead and plan my entire life around game time. Ugh. Really? I'm sorry son, we can't have your party today there is a football game. Ridiculous!

On a side note, I am in love with Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. They are the best cleaning gadget ever invented. All that baseboard grime and wall splatter I mentioned a while back is history with those things. It even gets crayon off in one swipe. Which is great because when I emptied out my bedroom to make way for the new furniture I discovered that the kids had gotten behind the desk and stamped bright purple ink all over the wall. I have a stationary stamp with my name on it and I found lovely little Sara's all over the wall. I guess it's okay in case I forget who I am. :)

New furniture

I got new bedroom furniture. I'm soo excited about it! I don't think I have ever had a full matching bedroom suit. I'm much more motivated to keep my room clean now! )

When did I quit breathing? Part 2

I can't sleep. I've been lying here thinking about when it was that life started standing still and I was tossed head first into this "review". I stopped working in March. I'm sure that has something to do with it. Being a working mother is completely different than being a stay at home mother. It was a while yet before life got extra emotional. Aha. In May one of our best friends died. The grief that comes along with losing someone so close to you on account that they chose themselves to leave the world (I am not yet able to confront the word "suicide") is wholly different than losing someone to an accident or health, etc. There is such an intense anger and personal guilt that comes along with that kind of grief. I think that is when I started looking around again. Amid all those questions of "Why didn't I see that coming?" "What should or could I have done differently that would have prevented this?" "What kind of friend am I for not seeing that something was that desperately wrong?" It's an experience that can certainly throw anyone into an emotional tailspin. I made a pact with myself to pay more attention to what's going on around me and how my behavior affects other people or doesn't affect other people, for that matter. As a group of friends we made a pact to take better care of each other. I think this is when I started searching. I find that while I'm going thru the things in my head that I want/need to address about my "who i am right now" my friend often comes to mind. I think my grief and my soul searching have intertwined or set each other off or just taken over. Why on earth would I work thru something like my soul journey or my grief journey where anyone can read it? I don't know. I have to have an outlet somewhere. Isn't this something that is more of a quiet, private thing? Blah. I've never been very quiet. I talk too much too often and am aware of it. I've never been very private either. I don't like having secrets. Well, if they are your secrets you can bet your life that I will keep my mouth shut. I don't like having secrets of my own. It makes me feel like I have something to be ashamed of or I'm hiding something. That's an icky feeling. I try to eliminate as much ickyness as I can. So, if you don't care to get personal then don't read. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. And I'm okay with that.

It feels good to have at least an idea of what set this whole thing off. You never know. I thought that maybe I was unhappy about something that I wasn't yet aware of or something. I was getting paranoid about everything. Is my marriage stable? Am I a bad mom? Have I just screwed everything up to the point that I am standing here wondering what has happened here? No. It's nice to have answered those horrible questions. I started searching for answers to some incredibly difficult questions concerning my friend and like most everything I start...went off on a tangent. There is alot concerning my deceased friend that I am not yet ready to face. I can't face "the word". There is an incredible stigma that goes with that word and I just can't attach that to my friend. But I am ready to face myself. So at least I can feel good about that. I just feel like I need to know what's going on around me. I need to be aware of the people in my life. I need to put out as much as I can for the people I love. I don't ever want to feel like a crappy friend again. I don't want to feel like I could have loved someone more or been there more. I don't want to speed past people including myself. I'm honestly trying to fulfill that too. I wrote my grandma Irene that letter. I drove to Norman and visited grandma Euletta today...for the first time ever. I want to learn something from what I've been thru this year that will help me feel like even though something really bad happened I learned a lesson and put it to good use. The pain I have in my heart for my friend isn't just here to torture me. It's trying to tell me something. I've figured out part of the message but I still have a long way to go.

Stupid chores

Seems like every time I turn around I'm learning something new about taking care of my home. I just finished scrubbing all the cabinets and walls and baseboards in my kitchen. This is a stupid chore. I NEVER knew that I was suppose to clean the walls. I mean seriously. They just stand there and we walk around them. It does no good to mop a floor if there are grubby baseboards right next to the clean tile. And it isn't the dirt you can sweep off with a broom. You have to actually get down there and elbow it off. How does this grub even occur. What is causing stickiness on baseboards to the point that I have to buy a special cleaning thing to get if off? And my oh my. The walls and cabinets. It isn't just within range of my children. There were spots and splatters and sticky stuff all the way to the ceiling. Really? We can't even reach up there! If I have to stand on a chair to reach it, it seems like it would be hard to get dirty. Dust I can understand, but grime? I never in my life remember seeing anyone wash a wall or scrub a baseboard. I have lived in several houses and apartments and such. Never ever did it occur to me that this was a chore I needed to keep up with. I just so happened to see a spot on the cabinet and when I started looking around I was floored! This is one of those things that makes me feel like there is a chore conspiracy that is not going in my favor. I think it is silly that such grime occurs and I would like to revolt.

When did I quit breathing?

I heard that your twenties are all about figuring out who you really are etc. Well this is a retarded theory. There is no answer to that question. There is no way to define who anyone is completly. Maybe we can answer who we are right now but that is as far as it goes. We always have the option to change. We can change as much or as many times as we want. There is no definitive answer to who am I? At 20 I was a young single woman. At 22 I was a newly married young lady. At 24 I was giving birth to my first child. At 26 I was giving birth to my second child. At 28, among a sigh of relief, there is nothing new happening. Life started moving so fast that somewhere along the way I just quit breathing. Breathing is mostly an autonomic action. When did I have to start reminding myself to continue natural reflexes? Maybe I was just running thru life so fast that I couldn't catch my breath. For whatever reason led me to this moment, I find myself sitting here gasping for air. I'm not really sure how to approach life at this point. I think my 20's have been a good example at how quickly life changes. For now I have to concentrate on catching my breath.

It leaves me at a really akward point in my life. For 8 years I've been speeding. Now I'm at an abrupt halt. It really is almost like life is standing completely still. You know those few seconds before and during an accident when everything moves soooo slow? I feel kind of trapped there in some random out of body experience where I can see myself from a few steps back really clearly. Like REALLY clearly. Almost like I just met myself or something. It seems like a thousand things run thru your heard in nano seconds then in a blink you just react. I've had the unfortunate practice at this during a few car crashes. I don't think there is any more accurate description of my life at this very moment.

I'm currently amid an involuntary self-review. I've just been thrown in. I guess that is what happens when you take a person, like myself, who genuinely longs for a deeper connection with life and stop allowing time to catch up and think and just breathe. I've learned a lot of new things about myself in the last few months or so. I've thought a lot at what do I want to be GREAT at in my life? Strip away all the pesky little issues the world has in the current day like money and time and means. At the core of my being I think it is my longing to be great at family. Not just as a mother. I've always known my intentions for being a good mother, but at everything I consider to be family. My extended family has evolved drastically over the last decade. I stopped keeping in touch with my mother's family and started reaching out to my father's. Which seems odd because in my childhood it was quite opposite. My friends are my family and I would like my family to be my friends. Isn't that kind of the point? Who wants to share a holiday with some guy you see once a year or some nice ladies you talk to only at family gatherings. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good holiday. I'd rather spend that time with people who warm my heart and we share a genuine interest in each other. It was just a light bulb one moment. Ding. Family. That's it. I'm not creative in a lot of domestic type ways (like Jackie for instance. Very creative.) but I am a very emotional person. I have a great big heart. So I might as well take that and use it for something. Being emotional doesn't have to be a hormonal nussiance. I'm going to put a positive spin on it and use it to my advantage. I realize that I have to add money, time and means back into the equation but now....I can use those things as tools to help me acheive the greatness in the areas that I desire.

Amongst the items on my self-review...children. My children are getting older and I've got to find some new approaches. Whatever is going on right now is not working. I can tell you that for a fact. There is too much chaos. In the random out of body experience I explained before I can see A LOT of ugliness in myself. How did I get so impatient and angry? When did I start letting people including toddlers push my buttons? Probably around the time I quit breathing. I've been watching my son lately. His attitude has gotten ugly. Oh wait. My attitude has gotten ugly and his little personality is reflecting it right back in my face. I'm reminded of a quote by who in the world knows that I came accross a few years ago. I'm sure it's ages old. "Let your children see in you what you want to see in them." Hmm. Yep, lead by example. We've been taught that forever. It's funny how I have lived inside my head for all this time and seem to not be very acquainted with myself. It took a 3 1/2 year old boy to mouth off to me one too many times for me to realize that he was just a 3 ft version of myself. Yes, duh, everyone knows that children just mimmick what they see and act like the people who raise them. Well, like I said before I was running too fast to notice. Freeze frame. I see it now. Okay well that part of who I am right now kinda sucks so I need to fix it. That's a life journey within itself and I'm trying to figure out how to do it before I ruin my child.

I don't really talk to people much about things that are under the surface. I used to all the time. I guess that's just one of the many things I tossed out when I piled on so many responsibilites that I lost myself for awhile. But I've slowed down now. Now I understand that ignoring my "think time" for so many years is not such a good idea. One of the joys of being an only child was knowing myself so completely. No one else was around so I had to get to know someone. LOL. I left behind being an only child for the role of wife and mother, etc and left behind a few nice qualities with it. I think I'll just resume some of those right where I left off.

That's all for now. Football is over and my quiet time has been invaded. Maybe tomorrow.

Ta Da!

I'm taking the kids to go visit grandma Euletta this week. She seemed pretty bummed out about Alice and I thought it might be nice to drop by and see her. Plus I'm really working on getting to know her. She said some very nice things to me when we spoke at the cemetary. She seemed like she would enjoy it if we stopped by so I think on Tuesday we will drive to Norman and spend the afternoon with her. Mom is going to call her tomorrow to make sure it's okay and to see what time is best for her. I hope my kids don't destroy her apartment. :) I will let you all know how it goes.

Challenge Me I Dare You!

Several months ago (May maybe) I had Chris's wedding ring resized. He couldn't decide if he needed an 11 1/2 or 12. So they did an 11 1/2 and said if that didn't work to bring it back and they would do it again for free. What do you know? He needed a 12. I put the ring in my purse and forgot all about it. He's been walking around for months with no ring! I noticed the other day and got insecure. I thought, "He's been taking off his ring!" No. Not so much. I was apparently holding it ransom. Anyhow I finally got around to taking it back in earlier this week. It was ready to pick up today. We were lazing around the house and I got a burst of motivation. I said, "Let's go pick up your ring and get some lunch before the game." The ring was at Gordon's in the mall. Chris swore we didn't have time and he didn't want to miss kick off. I looked at the clock. It was 12:10. I said, "I can have the kids and myself ready to leave this house by 12:40. If I can do that will you go?" He took my challenge. He REALLY did not think I could accomplish this. Little does he know that for me that is just like a typical school morning. I let him think he had won. So I ran some bathwater, gave both kids a bath, blowdried their hair, got them dressed, put their shoes on, helped Macy find her purse (she is obsessed and will not leave the house without it), washed my face, brushed my teeth, got dressed, put on my makeup, pulled my hair back, put on my shoes and marched into the living room. I pointed to the clock. It was 12:32. Not only did I win his challenge but I had 8 minutes to spare. Mothers can do alot with 22 minutes. I do not think he will challenge me again. :) Then we were off to the mall!

You know what?

You know what? I really like my family. I just had a whole conversation with Sami (well an iConversation). I've never really talked to her before. She is a super cool girl and I really like her. I'm so excited to get to know all my cousins thru these blogs. I love the internet. And I love family. And I love teenagers that don't think I'm too old to talk to. LOL. JK. I'll always be a dork and a kid at heart. Being grown up just means I have bills to pay. He He.

A dose of kindness

I recently decided to take a dose of my own advice. I took some time to tell someone that I care about just how much I love them. This last weekend was Grandparents Day. I just happened to be in WalMart and came accross a card that captured everything that my grandma is. I've been trying to get out to Dale more often lately to visit my Grandma Irene. It's actually hard to go. Not because it takes time or effort to get there, but because my grandma is 92 now and everytime I see her she looks worse. It hurts my heart to see her so weak and frail. She only resembles the woman I know in spirit. She has always been so strong and active. I hate to see her any other way. Regardless of whether or not it makes me sad I've been visiting more often. Since this weekend was grandparents day and I found a card to send her it seemed only appropriate that I take that as an opportunity to send her a heartfelt letter. It seems that every time someone passes away the thing I hear people say the most is, "I wish I had told him/her....." or "I wish I had let them know how much they meant to me." So I sat at my kitchen table and cried while I wrote grandma a letter. I told her everything I ever wanted her to know. I let her know that she is the perfect example of everything a woman, wife and mother should be. I told her how much I respect her and that she is my hero. I said I hope I make her proud and that I hope that I can be just like her. I let her know how much strength both physically and spiritually she has exampled for our family. She is really an amazing woman. So a few pages and a handful of kleenexes later I had a letter for grandma to include in her card. I think that grandma knows how much everyone loves her, but I don't think that she really gets to hear it that much. Even if she already knew I'm sure it was still nice to be told what a great lady she is. I feel relieved now too. For about the past 6 months everytime I see her, when I go to leave and give her a hug and kiss she sits me down, looks me in the eye and tells me that she loves me like it's the last time she will ever get to tell me. There is just something about the tone in her voice and the look in her eye that lets me know that she's making sure I know how much she loves me in case she doesn't get to tell me again. I know she's tired. She has said that she's tired and she's ready to go "home". On one hand it's great to know that grandma is ready and feels like she has lived the life she wanted to. On the other hand it is heartbreaking that may not be here much longer. She's probably the most amazing woman I've ever known. So I put my card in the mail and nervously waited to hear her response. She told mom that it was so nice to have someone tell her such nice things and that she'd been kinda blue and my note made her feel better. I'm just glad I took the chance to tell her how much I love her while I still can. Now, someday, hopefully a long long time from now when she goes to heaven I will know that she knew exactly how I felt about her. It's a great feeling. I can't think of a better way to honor my grandma then by letting her know just how much I love her. I'm always encouraging people to tell others how they feel about them and to let people know they are loved and spend time together, etc. I actually followed thru on my own advice and I couldn't feel any better about it. So today friends is a good day!

It's me again...

No one panic. I can cover it up with a watch band if I need to. I already tested it out. It looks black right now since it's still a little swollen and kinda red. But it's actually a very nice shade of purple. Chris got one too. He's wanted this one for a while. So it was nice to have an old friend in town that would do them for dirt cheap. Yes, I know that Dad is going to have a heart attack. More later.

Oh dear....

My how the emails pour in at a mention of a tattoo. You would think I was contemplating selling one of my children on Ebay or something. I love my family. It's good to know that I have people who love me and look out for my best interest. At 19 when I got my first tattoo I probably would have gotten all defensive and declared, "I've made up my mind! Stop trying to force your beliefs on me!" LOL. Not now. I'm much too grown to misunderstand genuine love for pushiness. Does that mean I have been convinced that I should make my decision according to what others think is appropriate? Not so much. But I am very proud of myself for recognizing that my father's urging and such simply comes from a place of love and concern. I suppose that is something I can credit to being a parent myself now. On a side note.....I have been doing some tattoo research on the internet. HA HA HA HA is my response to some of the things I've seen. From memorial tattoo's for a cat (really!?) to an "I'd rather be dead than cool" belly tattoo....I've seen too much.

In other news......last night I walked up behind Macy while she was playing pretend. She was potty training her Polly Pocket. It was adorable. She is such a little mother. She has a doll she named Gracie. It has taken the place of that icky pacifier which we have finally banished!!!! She is such a gentle loving little girl.

Caden seems to be doing well in preschool this year. I do not like his teacher too much. Not for any particular reason. She's just kinda cranky and not exactly my type of person. I don't suppose that makes her a bad teacher though so I am not going to worry about it. The director on the other hand is really frustrating me. She speaks down to me as though I'm a child (which I already get enough of thank you) and always finds a way to make me feel incompetent. I'm afraid that if she keeps being rude, seemingly on purpose, I will have to find another preschool. That is all to be determined later though. *Sigh* Caden is turning 4 and I do not like this. He might as well be married with his own family living 3 states away. Ugh.

Got Ink?

I deal with a lot of anxiety in my life. I always have. When I was younger my anxiety showed itself mostly by keeping me pretty serious all the time. I was too afraid to let loose and just be myself. As I got older it really started to manifest itself in other ways. At one point when I was about 22 it got to where I was having panic attacks and could barely even drive. I took some medication for awhile, but I don't want to be doped up. There is too much in life that requires all of my senses at their fullest. I quit taking that stuff when I got pregnant with Caden. Then I just never went back on it. Anyway, I get overwhelmed very easily. Being a wife and a mom is a hard job. The level of difficulty in my everyday life is greatly enhanced by the fact that my children are so close in age. They are only 19 months apart. Managing a 2 year old and a 3 year old that gang up on me is tough. It's almost like having twins sometimes. But anyway, I deal with a lot of anxiety. I get overwhelmed alot and unfortunately fairly easily. I don't really like who I feel like I am sometimes. I fly off the handle or I say things I shouldn't or don't mean. I find that a lot of times I'm just this really ugly person that just wants to blame everyone else for the way I feel. I react too quickly. I want to be able to slow down, take a deep breath and extinguish my anxiety or my temper. I really want to be an incredible mom and an incredible person. For me, that means that I have to stop being so reactive. There is an awful lot in my everyday life that I just can't control, and I drive myself crazy trying to do something about it. Alot of my stress is self induced by this super mom fantasy I have in my head. I could go on forever about that, but I will not. So long story short I am having the word "Breathe" tattoo'd on my right wrist. It's my dominant hand. I will see it when I reach for things or throw my hands up in dispair or when I dole out spankings. LOL. It's just my reminder to slow down. It's just my way of keeping the anxiety at bay. You know, just BREATHE.

Say what you will about tattoos. There isn't anything you can say my father hasn't already lectured me about. The truth is that you just have to let people be who they are. You can't expect people to live the way you would rather. I'm sure that Dad will give me the yelling of a lifetime. Or probably he will just say nothing and give me that "I'm so disappointed look" that I can't stand. But the truth is that he would be much more disappointed if he saw the way I yell and gripe and stomp around. It's not good for me or for the people I love. I'm trying to get to a new place in my life and I could use all the friendly little reminders that I can get. When I got my first tattoo (bet you didn't even know I had one) at 19 I sure got in trouble. When Chris got the kids names put on his neck Dad swore Chris wouldn't be able to get a job. Chris actually has a good job and tattoos are not viewed as the acts of rebellion they used to be. In fact, I think that if a tattoo has a very personal meaning for you they can be very beautiful and sometimes theraputic. When I say theraputic I mean for the soul. Tons of people get memorial tattoos to remember lost loved ones by. Some people get them to signify a big change in their life. Some get them to portray who they are literally on their sleeve. Will I end up tattoo'd from head to toe? Nah. That just isn't me. I have one tat hidden away that most people never see. One that I will get next week that all the world can see......and that's probably it. I did jokingly tell mom today though that if I ever end up with alzheimers I'm going to have some type of identification tattoo put on me. LOL. You just never know where you can end up when you wander off.

Let's Talk

Why is it that everytime I am in a hurry at the gas station I get stuck in line behind the lottery idiot? For the love of Pete! If you have questions about the lottery please refer to lottery.ok.gov not your local gas station attendant. For one thing the people stuck behind you in line are secretly plotting how to rip out your cheap hair extensions and fill your gas tank with water because you are wasting our time. And secondly, the dude behind the counter is most likely stoned and doesn't know or care about the answer to your question. Another thing........if you have to pay for your $1 lotto ticket in all pennies.....just put the coins back in the piggy bank and save for something else.

Why is it that crazy people think I want to hear about all of their problems? I have one particular person in mind here. None of the Sanders family know her so I'm relatively safe venting here. Please, please do not call me and tell me your sob story about how your life is so bad and blah blah blah is going wrong. Guess what? You are an idiot by choice not by circumstance. I have no pity for you and I'm certainly not interested in your lunatic ramblings. And furthermore.......the fact that your child survived into adulthood is a blessed miracle of God bc you certainly have no idea what you are doing. How can one bumble along from day to day without a clue in thier head? The conclusion I am left with is that you must have a very strong guardian angel because you certainly have not survived on your own.

I'm actually in a really good mood. I just wanted to tell the world that if you are going to buy a lotto ticket know what you want before you get there, and if you are crazy....please don't try to take me in as a confidant. I'm just not interested. This blog just made me think of the State Fair. Last year I decided that I would never never never go to the fair on a Saturday night ever again. LMAO. Please, just picture the crowd I was walking thru. The only reason we went that night was because work had given us free tickets to Disney on Ice. Normal people know that if you don't want to be swamped by the crazies of Oklahoma at the fair you must go at a random time like Tuesday afternoon. The fair is coming up in the next few weeks. If you are feeling down about yourself just go to the fair. I promise you will see at least 150 people that will make you realize that your life is glitz and glamour compared to theirs. If it comes down to it you can always just rely on the fact that you have more teeth than anyone else there. LOL. Oh boy....this is going to be a long evening for me!

Caden's Kickin First Day of School Hair

If this doesn't warm your heart then you just don't have one....

Yesterday I was trying to convince Caden that he needed to clean his room. I realize that my children are 2 and 3 years old but they are actually pretty good at picking up after themselves. I have been relentless about throwing away your trash when you're done and putting your dishes in the sink. Little Macy has to get on her tippy toes but she does put her dishes in the sink when she's finished eating, both of them do without being told. Even at Macy's bday party she would not throw her wrapping paper in the floor until I told her it was okay just this time. So anyway, Caden needed to clean his room. Macy cleaned hers the first time I told her to. Caden needed a little convincing. I sat him down and said, "Caden, Daddy works very hard so that we have money to buy you toys. Not all kids get to have a bunch of toys like you do. Some mommies and daddies don't have enough money left over to get to buy lots of toys. You are very lucky to have the things you do. So, you need to be thankful for what you have and take care of your toys by putting them away." I figured my speech would go in one ear and out the other. I always try to talk to my children just like anyone else. I don't baby talk them or dumb things down for them. I thought it might have been a little over his head though. I was so wrong. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, his face all lit up and just like he had come up with the most amazing idea ever said, "Hey! Maybe we can get all of the toys we are finished playing with and take them to all the kids that don't have any toys!" He was so proud of his statement. I was so proud too. I'm not going to lie. My eyes teared up. I find that I am much more emotional as a mother as I ever was before. He immediately cleaned his entire room. We haven't gone thru his toys yet, but all that evening and all day today he has been asking when we can gather up our used toys to take to kids that need them. I am so proud of my son. He has a very genuine generousity inside him that inspires me. When he said that to me it made me feel like I must be doing something right.

Caden is at such a wonderful age. He's in that stage where the things he comes up with are hilarious. This is definately my favorite age so far. He asks why every other sentence but he seems to really grasp the answers I give him. I'm telling you, if you are ever feeling down or just in a slump or something come to my house and spend 10 minutes with Caden. I promise you that you will leave feeling happy and refreshed. And you will probably leave with a funny joke or two to tell your friends about my silly little Caden.

In summation....Caden inspired me this week to genuinly reach out to other people who are in need. He had absolutely no hesitation at all to part with his toys so that other children would have something to play with. I admire his unselfishness and hope it has rubbed off on me!

Hello again

Good things are in the works. I'm half way thru my process of being gainfully employed again. I love staying home with the kids, but each time I take a try at being a stay at home mom I realize that it's better for me to work. Chris and I get along better because we are not so worried about money and my time with the kids is better spent because I have to make the most of every moment. It truly is the hardest job in the world to be a full time mom/housewife. So to those of you that can do it and do it well my hat is off to you. The Lord has heard many pleas for patience from me lately. The job I applied for pays 17.50 an hour. I'm half way thru the process and it seems like everything is going to work out. It just takes a little while with background checks and all. So hopefully I will be bringing in some money of my own soon. Which 17.50 an hour is a nice little paycheck. So I'm looking forward to that.



We went camping last weekend. We had so much fun that we are going back again this next week. We will leave on Sun and get back Wed. It was a great time. That was my first time to sleep in a tent. It was interesting. We camped out on a friends land near Ft Cobb. We had to drive thru 2 miles of cornfield just to get to a clearing big enough to set up camp. Luckily a soybean field had been recently plowed so we had a nice big area to set up. We built a bonfire and roasted hot dogs and had smores and the whole bit. We camped at night and spent the entire daytime on the lake. I had to laugh at Chris. I had some 50 spf sunblock and some spf 4 tanning lotion. He got them mixed up. He put the sunblock all over where he wanted a tan and put the tanning lotion on his face and shoulders. LOL. Needless to say he wound up very sunburned and very funny looking. It really was pretty funny but I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. After all, we got on the water at 9:30 am and stayed until dark. We only left the lake briefly to eat. I have these socks that go up over my knees. When we were at camp I wore them with shorts and tennis shoes. Everyone made fun of me for wearing them but I was thinking ahead. I did not have one chigger bite or mosquito bite on my legs or feet. Everyone else got eaten up despite their bugspray. I think that when we go back I might see some long socks on a few more people. :) I might look like a dork but I'm smart. The coyotes were scary at night. I have decided that coyotes are not my friend! We took a box of firecrackers with us. Everytime the coyotes started getting loud or sounded like they might be close we set a couple of them off. It did a good job of scaring them off. I was nervous to sleep though. I thought who is going to scare them away while we are sleeping? Our friend Andi's uncle lives a mile or two from the land we were on and he did a great job of explaining how many creepy things were in the woods. Heard all about the wild boars and snakes and whatnot. Needless to say I did not sleep very much at all! It was a really great time though. I can't wait til Sunday when we are headed back that way again. It's a little longer trip this time. I'm just super pumped that Dad and Chris now have a nice boat that works all the time that we can take anywhere at any moment. This is a foreign concept to dad. He's so much in the business of having old junker boats that don't run that I'm not sure what he'll do with a boat that works. He hasn't even gone out on it yet. He's been gone all summer. Don't get me wrong. I certainly don't mind keeping the boat at my house and taking it out every weekend!

I'm very thankful that my kids have so many grandparents! Without them it would not be possible to take these little mini vacations. The kids stayed with my inlaws last weekend. This time mom wants the kids to stay with her. Dad doesn't really like the kids to stay at his house more than 2 or 3 hours. He has a low stress threshold. LOL. Since Dad is coming home on the 11th she wanted to have them stay with her a few days before he gets back. I keep teasing Dad that he's going to have to learn how to hang out with the children! He is the "not fun" grandpa and we can't have that! I've worked very very hard the last 10 years trying to teach dad how to have a little fun. Life has to be more than just studying stock and reading text books. LOL. I love him dearly and I'm impressed with his intellegence. We just have to work on getting him to loosen up every now and then.

Let's see......anything else? Hmm.....Harley is doing great. We got him checked over and fixed and the whole bit. He is growing! Took him to the vet for an initial check and he weighed 50 pounds. 8 days later when he got fixed he weighed 56. That was 2 weeks ago. He's got to be at least 63 or so lbs now. We finally figured out that he is boxer and mastiff mix. Jeez. Mastiffs get to be like 200 lbs. And this dog is just a puppy now! Vet said he was abut 8 months old. So I guess we have lots more growing to do. If he gets bigger than I am he's outta here. I have a strict policy on animals that outweigh me. It makes me nervous! I guess that's all for now. This camping trip I will take a bunch of pictures. I tried to last time but the camera battery died after 2 pics. So I will put some pics up on here next week. I'm sure there will be on myspace too. Take care everyone. Hope to see my family soon!

There is no rest for the weary...

at least in my house anyway. Chris took off work today so we could take the kids out on the new boat. Caden and Macy are so wound up that they are never going to sleep again. I'm dog tired. I went straight from the lake to shower and change and head to an interview......while they all napped. So everyone is recharged and going 100mph. I think that if I sit still for more than 30 seconds I'll be out cold. I tried getting in bed but apparently in my house lying down anywhere is just an invitation to be jumped on. REPEATEDLY. There is no chance of cozying up in my perfect bed any time soon. And you know what? Chris is the ring leader. I stand by my statement that I have 3 children, 2, 3 and 27. My secret plot was to ditch the abusive wrestling match and get on the computer. It really annoys them when I get in my computer zone and usually spoils their fun. So in turn I can lay down. LOL. Yes, it's an evil plot but sometimes I'm flat out desperate. It isn't even working this time!!!!! Boo hoo for Sara. ha ha. I know there could be worse things in the world than a tired mom with a happy family. Count your blessings.....

Before We Were Married...LOL

My handsome Caden

Pretty Macy

So much new stuff!

I have so much to catch up on with this blog. But before I get to any of that I have to say something about cousin Chara's last post. All day I have been so frustrated with my children. I'm not used to staying with them 24/7. It can be very overwhelming. It seems as though my temper has been getting shorter.I don't know what has gotten into my kids lately. They have been at each other's throats. And the biting!!! Will it ever stop?! My new solution for that is rinsing their mouth's out with soap when they bite. It worked on me when grandma caught me saying a bad word as a kid. I figure it's worth a try. Anyhow, back to my point. My frustration has been reaching new levels. Some days I think that I'm just in wayyyy over my head. Having a 2 and 3 year old at my side every minute is a huge challenge. Anyway, here I sit in my chair just saying my thankful prayers that my children went to bed early and gave me a break and I click over to Chara's blog. My frustration melted. I remember feeling that same way. Wondering what kind of mom I would be. Wondering about the lifestyle changes that would come with the baby. Wondering about giving birth. That is such a special time in life. A highly emotional right of passage that some women wonder about their whole lives. And now I just feel silly. I had forgotten what I have to be thankful for. My children might be fighting and biting each other, but I get to be here to wipe every tear and give out hugs and apply bandaids. And even though I'm challenged beyond my measure some days at least right now I get to be here and be the one that gets to teach them the lessons they need. That was the most frustrating thing about working full time. I was almost never the one that got to teach them that little lesson. Whatever the lesson may have been at the time. So I will have to remember this. I will make a mental note that when I feel like I'm drowing in toddler chaos think back to the very beginning. So, Chara thanks for inadvertently reminding me to take a step back!

On a completely different subject......Health and Fitness! For a couple months now Chris and I have really been making a monster effort to get healthy. Chris has been wanting to lose weight and I have been worrying about the condition of our hearts and etc with all the junk we were eating. The way the whole thing started out is kind of funny. I've been trying to be supportive of Chris's weight loss goals for awhile but it is very hard for me. I'm not trying to make myself sound bad here, but I've never had to worry about weight. It comes and goes for me, but it always stays in about the same range. I can pretty much eat whatever I want and I never have to see it on my hips. Well, one week Chris was particularly irritated with his fitness. We must have had an arguement every day for 3 days straight about (in his words) how it is my fault he is not losing weight. Well he pushed my buttons one too many times. I threw out everything in the house and went to the grocery store. Everything was diet diet diet healthy blah blah. At first I was just mad and thought "Oh yeah! Well we'll just see what he thinks when he is eating his own seperate meals of tofu and cottage cheese every day! Hmph! That's what he gets for blaming me!" I'm not really sure how it changed from my spitefullness into an all out family campaign, but somehow it did. It took a little while but we actually managed to change our entire eating lifestyle. It's been a big change. Now that we conquered our bad eating habits I decided we needed to change our bad LAZY habits. So I just came up with my "Get off your butt!" campaign. Not that eloquent but the point is clear. I try to plan an activity for us most evenings. Chris has softball on Sunday evenings with his friends. Mondays we take the new dog for a walk and go to the field by our house and hit softballs. Tuesdays the kids have a standing appointment with my inlaws to go to the library for story time etc. So they stay there for dinner and that gives Chris and I a chance to do something that we can't really do with the kids. Yesterday we went to the driving range and hit golfballs for an hour. It was my first time ever and boy was I terrible. Then we went to the park and played tennis for another hour. Here I am thinking that I'm still little miss "I'm 28, have 2 kids and still skinny and active." AND BOY WAS I WRONG! That tennis kicked my butt! I seriously have not moved that much since I cheered in college. LOL. I'm not as sore today as I thought I would be, but still!!!!! My ego got knocked down a notch or two! Plus I'm just not athletic. I never have been. Somehow I managed to be a coordinated cheerleader/gymnast but those days are long long gone! Wednesday, well this one we took off. We sat around and recouped. I did however take the children and the dog on a mile walk this afternoon. And mom came along too! Thursdays Chris has softball again so I'll just do something active around the house. I'm thinking that Fridays should be swimming. I don't know we'll see. But we are on the road to living a much healthier life. The get off your butt campaign is all about doing something outside and active instead of sitting around developing diabetes and getting clogged arteries. So far so good! I just have to find a way to keep us motivated. Wish me luck!

Introducing Harley

Say hello to Harley our newest family member. He was wandering around our street for a few days and we took him in. We put up flyers and checked with all the vets in the area. We tried to find his owner but had no luck. We said we would look for his owner and if we didn't find him then we would find him a good home. However it's been 2 weeks now. I think the good home we found is ours! We are not allowed to have pets in our house so this causes a bit of a dilema. The kids have fallen in love with him and we have too. I just can't stand to think of sending him away!

Macy's Bday Party

Macy's birthday party will be Saturday July 7th at 2 pm. It's nothing big. Just some cake and ice cream at the house. I expect it to last an hour or two. We have a benefit to attend later that evening so the party should be over about 4. Anybody who wants to come is invited. Just let me know if you are coming so I can give directions to our house and plan for how many. Like I said before, we don't know any other little kids so it'll be a bunch of adults sitting around staring at my 2 year old open presents and eat cake. I know, I know... how should we handle all that excitement? LOL. JK. Hope to see some of you guys there!

Yay for Macy!

Congratulations to Macy who has officially completed potty training! Just one week shy of her 2nd birthday she became a BIG GIRL!!!!

My babies

My reunion is over/Macy's bday

My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend. I had a great time. On Friday everyone met at the high school and took a tour of the new fieldhouse and school. I skipped that part, but I met up with everyone afterwards. I had dinner with a few old friends and then everyone went to the Landing Zone in MWC. I took tons of pictures. I got to see a lot of people that I haven't seen since graduation. I do a very good job of keeping in touch with quite a lot of people I grew up with. My core group of girlfriends from grades 7-12 are still a big part of my life. We try to get together at least once a month and do something fun. During the summers we see each other just about every week. Most of them are teachers so they have a lot of free time in the summers. My group of guy friends from high school I keep in good touch with too. I don't see them that often but we call and email frequently. So it was nice to see everyone all in the same room at the same time. There were a bunch of people I had completely forgotten about, but it was nice to see them doing well. It's funny how junior high and high school is so dramatic and it's a big deal who's friends with who and who's not. But once you cross the stage and get your diploma that all disappears. There were no "groups" or popularity lines this weekend. Everyone was friends with everyone. It was enough just to have the common bond of having gone to school together. I was taking pictures with people who saw right thru me back then. I did kind of mouth off to one guy. He was probably the most popular guy in h.s. and I was taking pics of people and he said, "Give someone the camera and take a picture with me!" I suppose I had indulged in a few drinks at the bar and I replied, "You weren't my friend but I'll take a picture with you anyway." I don't know why I said that. It was rude and incorrect. I had hung out with him plenty of times but he was never someone I considered my "friend". I did apologize though and said I was just goofing around. I can't even count the # of people that ran up to me and gave me a hug and were like, "OMG! Sara Sanders! How are you!" And I completely did not remember who they were. I played along and eventually remembered their name. Thank goodness it never came up in conversation where I had to say their name too! LOL. I had even gone thru my senior yearbook the day before to study up!

There was a picnic at the park on Saturday morning. I didn't go to that. It would have made for way too long of a day.Our formal dinner and official reunion was Saturday night at the Bricktown Ballroom. I was pretty disappointed. For having 300 people in my class only 60 or 70 people (including dates and spouses) were at the dinner. I think there were twice as many people at the bar the night before. The food was horrible. We were supposed to have steak and grilled chicken. Instead there was chopped up bbq meat and wonder bread! LOL. It was gross. I was starving so I ate it anyway. Two of my best girls and Chris and I had rented a hotel room downtown so afterwards we went out downtown. It has been so many years since I have done anything downtown besides go to the movie theater or bass pro that I didn't even know what was down there to go to. We went to Maker's Cigar Bar for a little while. Chris bought a cigar and looked like a mobster. LMAO. He was dressed in his suit pants and a shirt with french cuffs and nice cuff links. He ditched the tie on account of the sweltering heat. But he was all dressed up puffing on a cigar in a big brown leather chair. It was kind of adorable. The cigar stunk though. We left there and went to the Purple Bar because they had outdoor seating and we could all hear each other better. It's above Nonna's restraunt. I had a big fat piece of chocolate cake. It was amazing. But as soon as I found out that a 6 oz drink cost $15.85 I was like I'm outta here! So we didn't stay there long. After that we went over to tapwerks. There were about 15 of us altogehter. Tapwerks was much more in my budget. Chris ran into some old friend of his there that he hadn't seen since high school. So he ended up having his own little reunion.

Long story short (ha ha ha, now that I've rambled on forever) we had a really great time with some great friends. I spent the whole weekend with my friends I see on a regular basis and just happened to see a few other people too. So it was nice. I enjoyed getting dressed up in my new little black dress and favorite sexy heels and having a night out. Chris looked great in his dress clothes. He's been losing weight and it really showed last night when his pants were sagging and his shirt was too big. We just bought his suit in January and it fit perfectly then. I think he's lost about 20 pounds so far. He started working on it about 2 months ago. We don't get to get all dressed up too often so that was probably my favorite part. Back at the hotel I didn't even fall asleep until 6 am. I need quiet to sleep. We got back to the room about 2. Chris was snoring superloud. Melanie was snoring. And Claudine was talking in her sleep. It's the loudest place I have ever tried to sleep in my life! So needless to say...I see a nap in my near future!

On a totally seperate note...Macy's bday is coming up. It's July 6th. I would really like to throw her a nice party. I have yet to have a big party for her. Caden got a big baby shower and all kinds of to do when he was born. We went to Incredible Pizza for his second bday. Macy has never had a big party of any kind. I didn't do any showers for her. She was born and it was pretty quiet. Then we had such a difficult time with her with the colic and her food allergies that we kept her first bday pretty small. However, she has blossomed into a rough 'n' tumble daredevil diva. She is super tough but will kick your butt with my heels on her feet and a princess crown on her head. God bless her she is just adorable. Anyway, I'm not really sure what to do for her. We don't know any other kids. I can think of 2 kids that might come to her party. Tristian who is much older and my best friend has a 6 year old step son. That's it. So I was thinking about maybe having a picnic in the park or a bbq in the backyard. I don't want to do Chuck E Cheese or anything because there would just be a bunch of adults sitting around. So I know all of you have had toddlers.......what should I do for her 2nd bday. I keep asking her what she wants for her bday and everytime she says, "Cake." Cake is a new addition to her life since she finally conquered her milk allergy. So that is the only definate thing I have planned. So anyone have some suggestions?

weeeee hoooo!

I just fixed my comment problem! Watch out, I'm going to be plastered all over your pages now! LOL.

Just Stuff...

Lets see...

I got to spend the whole day with my Dad one day last week. It was a great day. I don't get to spend that much time with him just the two of us. I really appreciated that day. It was one of those days that when my parents are gone....that day will still be with me. Good memories.

Macy turns 2 next month and that is freaking me out a little bit. My children are growing too fast. It only goes faster every day. I have cherished every moment of my unemployment with them. LOL. The 3 of us needed this time together. Caden finishes his first year of preschool on Friday. I can't believe he is such a little man. He's got killer dance moves too! If you haven't seen them you gotta ask him next time you see him. He could teach us all a few good moves. LOL. I love my children. They are God's most amazing gift. I was born to be a mother and feel complete now that I have little someone's to call me Mommy. Although they are going thru a phase where they are calling me Sara and it's driving me completely insane.

We are healing slowly after the death of our friend. Derrick was a best friend. It's going to be a long journey. The whole group of us are trying to make it thru one day at a time. I went to visit his mom yesterday. She needs prayers. She has a long hard struggle ahead of her. I still haven't slept a night without seeing him in my dreams. We all talk about him alot. He should still be here with us. Eventually we start to forgive and find a way to miss him without the tears and anger and denial. I hope that day is soon. So pray for us. Pray for his parents. I hope this is an experience that makes my group of friends stronger. I know we will certainly do our best to take better care of each other from now on. We all carry a guilt with us that is hard to let go. So this is me reminding everyone to tell your friends, your kids, your parents, your pets, whoever....just say I love you every chance you get.

On that note I vote for a Sanders family picnic soon. Didn't we bbq out at a park a few years ago? Whatever happened to our lake reunions. We should still do that. Seriously. I like my family on non-holiday days too. LOL! Leave me some comments. I need to know I'm not talking to myself on here. LOL. Seriously I have some blogger problem and it will not let me leave comments on anyone's pages.I don't know what the deal is. I'll buckle down and figure it out soon. But I do read everyone's blogs nearly every day. I think you are all hilarious, insightful and interesting. I love the internet. LOL. God forbid I pick up the phone and call one of you.......ha ha ha!

Laura, your baby is beautiful. Welcome to the most incredible journey of your life. You are going to be an excellent mom. I don't know your husband, but I say save the worst dirty diapers for him! LOL. It'll build character. JK. Congratulations Phil and Jackie on grandbaby #2!

Macy's bday is July 6 and I'm going to plan something for her. I don't know what. We don't really know any other kids, so poor Tristian has to be the cool older kid for mine to follow around. He seems to deal with that okay though! More details on that later!

Oh, and my 10 year high school reunion is next weekend. I went shopping. Specifically bought a dress that says, "Why yes I can still wear a size 6 after having two children. Thank you for asking." LMAO. I know. I'm a jerk, but it is a little funny, right?

New Family Pictures

Just venting...

We have to be aware of so much around us every day. Driving we have to be aware of everything going on around us. Raising children you have to hear every sound and see every move. Going through every motion every day attacks every sense. It gets too easy to switch to autopilot. So easy most of us don't even realize we aren't running the controls. I am turning 28 this weekend and I have had more friends my own age die than I have fingers. On some level I believe that is abnormal. But at the same time it's a jolt back into reality every so often. I think that most of us tend to be more aware of the time we have left with the older people in our lives. Young people "aren't supposed to die" (yeah, whatever), so it feels like time with them is infinite. If there is something that I need to take away from the events of this last weekend is that I need to be more aware of my time with everyone in my life. Not just grandparents or older friends and family. My friends....we are closer than family. We know things about each other we hide from parents or conveniently omit to family. Which is not an invitation for anyone to go asking what I'm hiding because trust me it can't be that interesting. But this group of friends I have, we take care of each other. We need each other. I mean, that's why we have family and friends. We network because we need to relate to other similar people. We need to feel connected. So now, I look around at my friends and we all look and feel so guilty. What could I have done or said differently that could have changed things? For so many years when Chris and his friends left their parents homes and got out on their own I instinctively took care of everyone. Not because I decided to. It just happened. I have a natural mother hen inside of me and if you stick around for too long you are bound to be mothered. That is just how God made me. I know that in reality there is probably nothing anyone could have said or done to change the way things happened. But there is a process to this awful grieving thing and right now we are all stuck at mad, confused, and guilty. I'm hanging onto a little denial myself, but I'm sure that will change once we see our friend lying in state. Things like this change who people are. I already feel different. I don't want to autopilot. I want to notice everything around me. Pick up on the little things. Notice if a friend is hurting however quietly. The only inspiring thing I can say about death is the number of people that surface once someone is gone. You might think you only have a few friends, but when the service starts there is standing room only. We all touch more people in our lives than we could know. I just want the people in my life to know how much they are loved while I still have the chance to tell them. And the only people who have this blog link are people that I love. So if you are reading this it means I love you and you have touched my life. So forget that I need to go to the grocery store or pick up some things at Target or give the kids a bath or whatever. I want to make more time for the people in my life. I suppose that I have the next several thousand years to lie down and sleep. I should use the moments I have to run and walk and play and laugh to the best of my ability.

Poop on this week...

One of our very closest friends died this weekend. The whole situation is really f'n messed up. I'm sure that I will vent out and elaborate more later. But we are sad, angry, confused and I can't sleep without having nightmares. I can't remember the last time someone had to remind me to eat something. My love affair with food is on a hiatus this week. This whole situation can only be explained with many explitives and phrases that would offend anyone with working ears. But, grief aside, Derrick we will always love you and never forget you.

To Beth and Brandee.....

For some reason this stupid blogger will not allow me to leave comments on anyone's blog. So here are my comments.

Beth, maybe you or someone could explain to me what the deal is between grandma and I. I only remember bits and pieces mostly from when I got older. It's really important to me that I have some kind of relationship with grandma while she is still here. Maybe if I understand what happened I will be able to repair some of my heartache. I have this horrible feeling that I am going to live with a hole inside me forever for not having known my grandma. I would like a chance to salvage my relationship with her. Grandma is getting older and we already almost lost her once. I would love a chance to talk with her about it all before it's too late. Or if she didn't want to talk to me about it, at least I would understand. I'm just kind of sitting over here feeling like I got picked on for some random unknown reason. I'm sure there is a reason out there. Mom and Dad are not so good at explaining this to me.

Brandee, I think that we must go out for coffee or ice cream soon. I would love to compare notes with you on our family. You are a step ahead of me in life and have a good perspective. I think we could have a very interesting time! Remember I am just a mile away from the college, so if you ever have a lunch hour to spare call me up! And BTW your last blog was worded far more eloquently that I could have. I would have probably just flown off at the mouth and said unneccessary things. You did a good job.

We Had the WORST Vacation Ever!!

This past weekend was the Cox fishing tournament. We have been looking forward to it for months. Chris and I love to fish every chance we get and this was a chance to fish for money! What could be better? Well, I can tell you what could be worse.........our whole weekend! It started bad, ended bad and only had a glimmer of hope in the middle! For one thing we waited too long to make reservations for a hotel room. We wanted to leave on Thursday so we could get up early Friday and scope out the lake for good spots. However, I called every hotel in Atoka, Oklahoma and there were no rooms for Thursday night. Finally I found a place we could check in on Friday. Basically we got the last hotel room in town. Friday we were supposed to get on the road about 6 am. That would have given us plenty of time to still check out the lake and fish awhile before checking in for the tournament at 6 pm. Chris has poured his heart and soul into this dinky little aluminum boat of Dad's trying to get it ready to go. Last year we took it out there and it worked in the driveway and wouldn't work once we got there. We were determined to avoid that fate this time. I can't even tell you the hours and hours Chris has put in and the hundreds of dollars Dad has shelled out to make this boat work. Anyhow, Chris was installing seats on the boat and didn't get finished by Thursday night. So we decided we could get up early to work on it and if we left by 9 or 10 we could still check out the lake a little. Well it took three times longer to fix the seats than anticipated. Then when we finally started loading up the truck a massive thunderstorm rolled in. We were running around in the rain drenched to the core trying to load up. Eventually the storm let up and we didn't leave until 1 pm. It was a 4 hour drive there. We barely made it there to check in at the hotel and get to the lake. So we didn't get to put the boat in the water at all. Not even for 5 minutes to make sure it was going to run. The funny thing was that on the drive down Chris and I were talking about how everytime we try to do something special together or special with the kids it always ends in disaster. We were motivated during the drive and decided that this was the weekend that we break the curse! We really needed a few days out of town with each other. Away from the kids, work, cell phones, friends and family. Just the two of us! It was a nice road trip down there.

A nice surprise was the hotel. I didn't know what kind of hotel room I had booked or what kind of place it was in. All I knew was that I managed to get the last room in town by calling every single hotel so we had to take whatever we got. It turned out that the hotel was really nice and close to the highway that lead to the lake. That it about the last positive thing I can say.

At some point that weekend driving back and forth I thought a rock hit the windshield but we didn't see any chips or marks to prove it. So we forgot about it. We had drawn launch number 5 which is good if you know your boat is going to work. Last year we only had 30 boats in the tournament. This year we had almost 60. So that is a lot of people to get embarassed in front of if your dinky little boat won't run. Everyone there has nice expensive new bass boats. We, of course, were the only people there with a hundred year old tin foil boat. I had almost wished I had drawn boat 60! We felt pretty confident about the boat being able to run. Chris had worked so hard and it ran in the driveway the night before for almost an hour. On the other hand we were both "waiting for the other shoe to drop" as disaster is always present for our events. We got up at 3:30 am and got to the dock at 5:00am. It was too freakin early to even deal with disaster! And what happens? Sure enough.....we get on the water and the boat mocks us. Amongst the sputtering and clouds of smoke I can hear the motor laughing at us saying, "You fools! You have wasted your time with me!" So here we are in front of 60 boats of 2 man teams and countless volunteers with a broken and useless boat. Everyone just went ahead and launched onto the lake while we sat there cursing the boat and trying to figure out what to do. Our only option was to use the trolling motor and head over to a little cove close to the docks. Which, may I mention, is the most fished out area in the whole lake. So we kissed the $1500 grand prize goodbye and tried to just enjoy the day on the water hanging out with each other. Chris ended up catching 4 fish to my 0. First time in 7 years Chris has ever out fished me! I guess I have to let him win every now and then though! We had a nice time out on the water but it was so frustrating just knowing that for the 2nd year in a row we were stuck with a broken boat. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if Dad and Chris hadn't spent so much money and so much time preparing the boat. Dad even took his free time to find maps of the lake and study them so we would know the lake well and find the best fishing spots. In the end we placed 20th out of 60. Which I guess is okay. But there was no prize for place 20. :(

We stayed Saturday night even though most of the tournament participants went on home. Everyone else there had shown up a day early like we had wanted to. There was nothing at all to do in this little town. The only thing open past 10 (besides Walmart) was a little bar up the highway called Joyce's Bar in Lane, OK. I was scared to walk into a little townie bar. It was obvious that all the people there were long time residents and very close. I wasn't sure how accepting they would be of strangers. Turned out they were some of the nicest people I had ever met but we came about an inch away from witnessing a bar brawl. It was like something out of an old western. Luckily the guy causing trouble got ushered out before any punches were thrown. I would not have wanted to see the results of any kind of fight in there.

Sunday morning we get in the truck to head home. The windshield was cracked all the way from the bottom up. I guess that rock I thought may have hit the windshield did do some damage after all. With the heat and the windows rolled up it took no time at all for the whole windshield to crack. Wonderful. The boat didn't work and now we have to come up with a bunch of money to replace the windshield. I'm just thrilled. So that made the drive home a little grumpy. We were making great time and were eager to see the kids. I hate being away from them for very long. We were nearly home and the wheel flew off the boat trailer, bounced off a passing truck and landed in a field! We pulled over and the left side of the trailer was just sitting on the axel ( i assume that is what it's called). I looked around and we were on i-40 between the Dale exit and McCloud exit. Which means I was about 1 mile and a half from my grandma Irene's house. You can take either of those exits to her house. I guess if it had to happen at least we were close to a relative's home. Which means I had to call my Aunt Jeanie. My Sanders family doesn't know much about my relationship with my mom's family, but it's strained at best. Esp with Jeanie. Jeanie and I have been in a few shouting matches and I've nearly punched her in the jaw a few times. Which isn't much like me. I try to behave like a lady as much as possible. We always fight about my mom though. And if you are going to argue with me about my mother you better come prepared. She is my best friend in the whole world and I feel just as protective over her as I do one of my children. Anyhow, I had to swallow my pride and called Aunt Jeanie. Turns out she was really nice and took good care of us. We had the boat towed to her house (she lives with grandma) so we wouldn't have a huge tow bill. She gave us the number of the wrecker company accross the street from her house and even came out to the highway and checked on us. So now the broken boat is sitting in grandma's driveway.

To sum up......the boat didn't work, the tournament was a wash, the windsheild busted and the wheel flew off the boat trailer. I don't plan on taking any more vacations for awhile!

Trip to Gma's

Today Mom, Caden, Macy and I went to visit Grandma Irene. I don't get to see my grandma near enough. She just celebrated her 91st birthday last week. I'm very sad that I don't get to visit her more often. It's hard on me when we do visit her. She is really slowing down and seems very tired. Sometimes she says she is "ready to go home." Those are the hardest words to hear from someone. I know that she is scared that she is not long for this world because when we leave she always makes it a point to say good-bye like it is the last time we see each other. The kids spent some time in her lap and gave her hugs and kisses. On the way there I explained to them how important grandma is and what a special lady she is. They really seemed to understand how much I love her. It's always surprising how intuitive children are to those kinds of things. Grandma and I have always been close. She never likes my hair, but other than that she has been a huge supporter in my life. It's nice to have that relationship with her.

I wish that I had a closer relationship with my other grandma. Grandma Sanders and I have never been close. At least she is nice to me now. I have definately struggled over my relationship with her. There are lots of things from my childhood and even some things that happened when I was in college that I have been trying to let go of. I don't know if she ever meant to hurt my feelings (except a few specific times I remember) or even knew she was hurting my feelings. We really don't have a grandma/grandaughter relationship at all. I'm probably much closer to some of my aunts and uncles. I've put in the effort to reach out to her several times but she never seemed very receptive. I guess we are just all different in how we approach our family relationships. Oh well, maybe one day it will get better and I will be able to have some great memories with BOTH of my grandmas.

Anyhow, I'm still enjoying my time with the kids. The past 2 days have been great. Caden is in school the rest of the week and Macy and I will have some one on one time. I am looking forward to some girl time with her but I will really miss having Caden in on it. The upside is that I will finally get to take him to school and pick him up and get some face time with his teachers.

WoooHooo!

So today was my first official day among the ranks of the unemployed. For those of you who don't know I decided to finish up some of my classes. I've been trying to do so while working full time and raising 2 toddlers and taking care of a house and husband. I'm sure you can guess...I didn't get much done with school. Anyway, my class starts next week so this week I am enjoying some quality time with my children. Today we went to McDonalds and then spent a few very enjoyable hours at the park. There is a really great park not to far from where we live. It's out away from town and it's only a year or two old. All the equipment is brand new and it's a very well kept secret. I'm happy to report that both of the kids, even Macy, played well with the other kids and had a great time. It has been a wonderful and perfect day with my babies. I wouldn't trade this day for anything. I'm looking forward to spending as much time as I can with them this week doing Mommy and Caden and Macy time. I hope this week lasts forever. It's MUCH better than it used to be when they were really little and I would struggle all day to get things done and welcome Chris home with peanut butter in my hair and formula all over my clothes! LOL. So, here's hoping for a never ending week!

Allow me to say a few things

People who bite or chew hard candy: This is not the intended purpose of hard candy and is very annoying to bystanders. This must be one of the worst sounds, especially in a waiting room or etc. when the sound is deafening throughout the space. Please keep the disgusting slobbery sounds to yourself!
Snoring: If you snore it means something is broke so PLEASE fix it! If you refuse to fix it please remain single until your passing. It is rude to torture your spouse with endless nights of obnoxious attempts to breathe. I would really hate to suffocate my loved one in their sleep just so I can move on to be a productive and well rested person.
People who do not wear deodorant: For less than $5 a month you can end unnecessary body odor. Please do not tell me that you prefer to be “natural” or some other ridiculous claim. It is 2007. The hippie age is long over. There are no slaughtering of animals or other brutality involved in the making of deodorant. Smelly armpits do not “stick it to the man”. So you see there are no valid reasons to forgo the deodorant. Again, less than $5 and 30 seconds of your time. So please……spare us all. Nobody wants to sit next to the smelly kid in class.

Update

So, I haven't posted in forever. Sorry! I've been busting my butt around the house and at work. It's amazing how busy I can stay and how hard I can work and then just have to start all over again the next day. Let's see what's going on.........?

We didn't make it to Grandma's bday lunch. Which was all my fault. Last Feb I knocked some discs out of place in my back and have had an ongoing problem for the last year. Then the day before our Olive Garden plans I somehow managed to hurt my back all over again. And just where I was getting to the point I could function day to day without pain meds. Anyway, I was crying in pain all Sunday morning and could hardly walk. There was no way I was going to attempt wrestling the kids in a restraunt. So, unfortunately we had to miss out and I had been looking very forward to going. Caden was upset about it because he knew we were supposed to see Tristan. I'm very happy to hear that Daniel and his family were there. I have really enjoyed seeing them the last few gatherings. I've missed having Daniel around. When I was a little kid I thought he was the biggest strongest boy I knew. I guess I still kinda do. He just seems like a very tough guy.

Caden has been amazing me. His imagination is so big. I hear him playing with his toys in his room and he comes up with some of the most intriguing things. I still can't figure out what category my little boy is going to fall into. He is super smart, loves dinosaurs, Jimmy Neutron, race cars, video games, skateboards, and baseball. I guess he is going to be a smart sporty skater kid? LOL. I guess we will see! I still can't believe he's 3. This is still a crisis for me.

Macy just turned 19 months. She is 90% potty trained. In fact she even makes it thru some nights without wetting the bed now. I am very much looking forward to NEVER buying diapers again! Her personality is really starting to blossom. She used to be so shy and withdrawn. Now she is so happy and funny...and is as much of a ham as her brother is. She can count to 10 and say the entire alphabet. I'm very proud!

Sorry for the delay in posting. I'll try to make a little more time to keep everyone up to date! We missed everyone last Sunday!

Sara

Merry Christmas

Caden's Christmas program was Thursday. It was our first ever event! He did a wonderful job. I cried the whole time. I tried to hide it but I was not successful. It was just one of those moments where you see your child taking steps on his own and are overcome with pride. I will see if I can put the video on here via youtube or upload some pictures. It was far to priceless to not share with all of you. I'm looking forward to Christmas. We have David S., Sami, Brandee and Chance on our list. So far I have only purchased Sami's but know what I'm getting David and Brandee. Sorry Chance.....I'm really struggling with this gift. Chris says he has it under control though. Maybe I should take this as a sign of someone I ought to get to know a little better. LOL. More later..........

Happy Holidays!

I love the holidays!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I want to let my family know that this year Chris and I have decided to stay home for Thanksgiving. We always have 4 or 5 places to go for every holiday and it is exhausting for our children and for us. My parents and Chris’s parents do so much for us. They are our daycare (for free mind you), the in-laws make a big family dinner for us every Sunday and they are all always there at the drop of a hat if we need them for anything. Thanksgiving seemed like the perfect opportunity to take time out and let them know how thankful we are for all that they do for us. So we are going to cook up a big dinner and have them over for Thanksgiving. Also, Dad will be overseas and it is important to me that Mom does not have to spend the holiday on her own.
On the other hand I find it sort of strange that this year of all years we decided to have our own Thanksgiving. Now more than I ever had I feel the need to connect with my extended family and let our relationships grow from Aunt/Uncle to niece to something of an adult friendship. The thing I love the most about my dad’s siblings is that everyone is so different. We have a good mix of people to make up this big family. I think that is also why it was so easy for me to introduce Chris and bring him into my family traditions. Everyone is a little bit different so no one is really out of place. I think it’s a beautiful thing. As I am growing into my role as an adult, wife and mother I find that I really enjoy reaching out to my aunts and uncles for advice or just to hear funny stories of things that happened to them when all the cousins were small and they were in the place I am now.
It is a blessing to read all these blogs and get a glimpse into the private lives of the people that make up my family. I really don’t know my family on anything more than a holiday gathering level. Last night I read Beth’s new blog. I got a little weepy. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a real conversation with Aunt Beth but I’ve always thought of her as such a beautiful person on the outside. It’s nice to see the beauty on the inside too. I appreciate the raw honesty I took from her last post. Sometimes I find that I censor myself for what goes into my posts and focus mostly on my children. After all my family is reading! My whole life it has been Grandma’s family. Now all Dad’s brothers and sisters are Grandma and Grandpa themselves and we are all starting to focus more on our immediate family rather than the group of us as a whole. I’ve always wondered if we would still all get together for holidays when Grandma isn’t here to bring us together anymore. As important as it is to share the holidays with our children and grandchildren I do hope that we still make time to gather as a big group. I still have many life lessons to learn and lots of aunts and uncles to guide me.
To sum up, I love my family. I love reading their blogs. And if I do anything to encourage someone else this year I hope that it is to encourage my family to open up and get to know each other on a more personal level. Pick an aunt, uncle or cousin and have a conversation with them about something that is important to you or something you have learned. Thank you Grandma for having a bunch of children so that I could have a big group of people to love and learn from. I hope that in the years to come we do not take each other for granted. I hope that everyone else enjoys watching the people around me grow as much as I do. I guess that I have turned into quite an emotional person, but it is hard not to be moved when the blessings in my life are so many.

Just a thought

After listening to a co-worker whine about his childhood today my mind was sparked. I sat patiently listening and offering some encouraging advice, but that isn’t what I really wanted to do. I wanted to say, “Stop whining that your childhood wasn’t perfect. No ones childhood is perfect. You should just be happy that you had parents that loved you and looked out for you. Not everyone has parents that care so much. And furthermore it is ridiculous to expect perfection from your parents. We don’t know what we are doing. Every stage in our child’s life is new to us too. We are figuring it out right along with you. 99% of parents are trying as hard as they can and doing things the only way they know how to help you survive in life. So quit bitching and send your parents some flowers for being so unreasonable.”

Had this conversation taken place before I had children I might have been whining too, but motherhood has given me a new perspective. I have to admit that I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. Sometimes I look at my children and think, “How did I get put in charge? I’m not qualified for this!” I know that there will come a day when my children tell me that I did everything wrong and on that day my world will shatter. After I piece myself back together I will just remind them gently that from the moment they were conceived I did everything I could to help them be healthy, happy and successful people. I am quite tired of hearing co-workers and friends and people on TV whine about how their failures or disappointments stem from bad parenting. Everyone is looking to blame someone else. At what point will people realize that we are all responsible for our own feelings and decisions? I dropped out of college. Is that my parents fault? Nope. It’s my fault for being so concerned with self gratification. There are far too many children in this world who are beaten and neglected. Many of them rise above it and counsel other children in the same situation. Why? Because they choose to recognize that their life is what THEY make it. I will do all that I can for my children, but in the end it up to them whether they make good choices and behave like good people. Parenting is a really tough job. It’s the hardest job on the planet to be responsible for ushering a child into adulthood. So, to my co-workers, friends and people on TV cut your parents some slack. If you think you can do a better job than they did, great, you’ll see how hard it is when you try parenting for yourself. And most likely you will then realize that you have been acting like a jackass and owe someone an apology.

Some pictures of the new house