Give someone a hug

I found out today that one of my friends husband passed away unexpectedly this morning. Out of nowhere he had a massive heart attack and died. He was my age. It just reminds me how unexpected life can be and that it's a gift to not take for granted. It just makes me want to give everyone a hug. So, if you are reading this....I am mentally hugging you right now. Thank you for being my friend or family member. I am truly blessed. I love you all!

Frankly....

Here is how Christmas is going down this year.......uneventfully. LOL. I seem to have been really busy in the last few weeks although I can not recall anything I've actually done. Mostly hanging christmas lights and putting up christmas decorations. I would still do it all the same even if I lived here alone and no one was coming over. I just like Christmas decorations. Besides, I'm bad at decorating and Christmas makes it very easy.

This coming weekend appears to be the busiest weekend of my life. In one weekend I have the pleasure of juggling a school program, sami's bday, a visit with my out of town (momentarily in town) girlfriend, a company christmas party, and Sanders Christmas. I truly began my Christmas shopping today. I left work at 5, went to the bank, picked up Chris and got to my first store by 6:30. By 10:30 I managed to spend my entire paycheck. I did manage to accomplish alot. I was able to get every present for all my Sanders family except one, and most of my children's gifts. I have a little more time to get Chris's family all shopped for. So I thought I'd get the immediate need done first.

Needless to say...I am not freaking out and scrubbing my baseboards and washing the walls and magic erasering every bit of grout and all the garbage that no one really cares about but me. I'm just banking on the fact we haven't lived here long enough to accumulate enough dirt for it to really matter. As long as I get the children's room (seriously, to prevent injury) clean then you are all obligated to not notice the unmopped floor or dusty fireplace or whatever. I just don't feel that motivated and shopping seems more interesting to me. I am in charge of the "secret" gift this year. I'm having trouble finding just the right thing. I thought I had it then I realized although a nice gift it would be guessed by at least the 3rd person. I'm going to keep thinking on this one. Last year Shirley bought the can opener from the tv commercials. I don't know how I guessed it but I'm glad I did. I love that thing! I have to be careful though because caden likes to go in the kitchen and open cans just because he can operate it himself. LOL.

OK, enough for now....but please come to christmas in your sweat pants, eat too much, open presents, and ignore the purple spot on my dining room wall that I will someday get around to. Just not today!

Christmas lists

I have to share with you my families Christmas lists. I laughed insanely at Chris and Macy. I have to mention that Chris's list was handwritten and he managed to fill 2 pages. He has very small handwriting too! The kids listed off to me what they wanted to put in their letters to Santa. Feel free to laugh at my family. I did. :)

Chris- This list is categorized by item and there is an approx price next to each item. I will give you the general idea because my fingers will fall off if I type the whole thing. They are also rated on a scale of 1-10,000 on his satisfaction with the gift. LOL.
Cash- Cash; Gift Cards- Jegs.com, Tacklewarehouse.com, Bass Pro, Academy, anywhere w/electronics; Sports- Fishing: Quantum PT or PT Tour Edition reels, split grib trigger casting rods (med heavy or heavy); Golf- balls, lob wedge, 56'-62', gift cards to public courses; Softball- Demarini OTC 28 oz slow pitch bat; Hunting- seriously too much stuff to type; Video Games- Call of Duty 5, Resistance 2, Madden--can be PS3 or Xbox 360; Personal- cologne, chi holder (yes my husband asked for a special holder for his flat iron); Collectables- autographed balls (baseball or football), Eagles, Yankees, OU or other legends acceptable; Motorcyles- Helmets: KBC Zombie, Oneal Crisis, AFX skull, Shift Agent Hi Life; Jerseys- I can't even decode this part of the list; Goggles; Movies- Blue Ray anything, Star wars trilogy, xfiles movie, action/scifi/army, superhero/horror, zombie........and that's only the first page

Sara- a bullhorn

Macy- a horse that wags its tail, a princess that sparkle glows, a flower that is pretty, a princess that smells the pretty flower, a picture w/a princess on it for my vanity, a princess w/pretty pink socks, a pink or red cabinet to match my princess's socks, a statue coat that sprinkles around like a princess. LOLOLOLOL!

Caden- Jungle fury power ranger, Indianana Jones toys, Power Rangers (not the toy, the real ranger), Ben 10 toys, superman, batman, spiderman, transformers, spongebob toys, Lego Batman video game for 360 or PS3, Spike the dinosaur, the huge green triceratops w/a leaf, star wars toys, xmen toys, Bakugan toys, cars, motorcyles and men that ride them.

There you have it. I sure hope Santa pulls thru for me because I don't know what half the stuff on Chris or Macy's list is. If you happen to have any of their names there should be some ideas. Happy hunting. LOL.

:)

I really appreciate my husband. He has really stepped up and taken care of his family in their time of need. I've had a difficult time dealing with my MIL's death. I feel a lot of regret for the relationship I didn't have with her. When I was younger I was irritated by a lot of things with her. I was too foolish and impatient to look past them. Then when we found out she was sick it explained a lot of her weird quirks. By the time I understood her well enough to really value her she was too sick to for me to do the things with her I'd always wanted to. I never got to take her shopping or go out for coffee or get to know her on a personal level. I feel very ashamed that I didn't appreciate her and take the time to build a relationship with her when I had the chance to. She had always wanted to have a daughter and I would have loved to been a "daughter" to her. There are a few times that I did get to spend one on one time with her and I will always cherish that. But it wasn't near enough. I have learned quite a lesson. I don't think that I will ever feel less ashamed for taking her for granted. Everyone I've ever known always thinks their in-laws are weird in some way or another, but I feel like I didn't really give her a chance. That wasn't fair. She was a very kind lady. Even when her alzheimers was very advanced she was never mean or hateful. She always had a gentleness about her. It's been hard to watch my husband lose his mother and my children lose their grandmother. I hope that as my kids get older I can help them remember what a lovely lady she was. It's always hard to lose someone when we know we didn't appreciate them enough or take the time to let them in. I should have been more patient with her. I said alot of things when she got sick about how she should be taken care of and how they should deal with her disease. In the end, her family did the right thing and gave her the care and love she deserved. I regret thinking that I knew what was best for her when I clearly did not.

I can't say enough how much I appreciate my husband. He has never tried to keep me from being close with my family or with his. I've had friends whose spouses get in the way with their relationship with their parents/siblings or inlaws. Chris has never told me how to interpret my experiences growing up with my parents and he has never done anything but encourage me to have a relationship with his parents and grandparents. A husband has such a huge influence over his wife. I'm glad that he has never taken advantage of that influence. It's easy for a husband to manipulate his wife's emotions towards other people. I've met plenty of women that don't like someone just because their husband doesn't like them. I think it's also easy to cause tension between someone and their parents because their spouse won't give them a chance. I'm glad that Chris has embraced my parents. I think it would be hard to maintain such a close relationship with my mom and dad if my husband wasn't willing to let them be a part of his life too. I'm very blessed. I can't explain how lucky and undeserving I feel to have such an amazing family, both the family I was born into and the family I married into. I married a really wonderful man who encourages me to appreciate my family and spend time with them. (Even when he gets a little jealous of my time with them sometimes.) :)

I have a lovely family

Last night Sami and Tim came over and helped us put up our Christmas lights. It was so much fun to spend some time with Sami and her boyfriend. The kids just adore them. They are always kind to the kids and spend time playing with them. Caden and Macy haven't stopped talking about it! I really enjoyed getting to spend some time with Sami, just one on one, away from the rest of the family. She is a really beautiful girl and it seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. My goal has been to try to start spending more time with my cousins outside of family events and get to know them as people. I have had the pleasure of spending time with Brandee and now Sami. I'm exactly 12 years younger than Brandee and 12 older than Sami. It doesn't seem to matter though. I am really glad that the Sanders have started spending more time together other than just limiting our gatherings to holidays. I really enjoy seeing everyone for our dinners every now and then and getting together for birthdays. I love that all the aunts uncles and cousins come to the kids bday parties. It wouldn't be the same without all of you. I did not have the luxury of having any brothers or sisters. I always wanted them though. I understand why I don't have siblings and I'm okay with that. But I really can't imagine having a brother or sister and not keeping a close relationship with them. It's a horrible gift to waste. But it's been so nice to fill that void with spending time with some cousins. I'm so proud that our family has gotten so close. I'm sad for the cousins that aren't around anymore. If you are a MIA cousin my message to you is that you are really missing out. :)

On the topic of my christmas tree

I have always been a weirdo about symmetry. Pictures on the wall, furniture, decorations, knick knacks........all sorts of things have to be evenly spaced or it drives me crazy. It just irritates me until it's fixed. It's a stupid thing to be so concerned about, but, it's one of my many quirks and I just have to deal with it. My christmas tree especially falls under my symmetry weirdness. My tree is decorated with silver, gold, and deep red. I spend hours getting the garland spaced right and all the glass ball decorations strategically placed by color and space. This year was a little different. I was really concerned about my tree. While we were shopping for just the right house to buy a few months ago I specifically looked around to see if the house had just the right place to put my tree. LOL. Chris was concerned about house value and upgrades that could be made and the technical aspect of things. My concerns were having a great laundry room, evenly sized bedrooms for the kids, and a great place for my tree. Last year we didn't get to put our Christmas tree up due to space restrictions. So anyway, putting my tree up this year was really important to me. Last week was a weird week. Since the week was filled with Chris's mom passing away, squeezing in Thanksgiving and making funeral arrangements and things we really wanted to include our family. So Saturday Chris invited his grandparents and dad and brother over to help trim the tree. The kids really wanted to put the ornaments on. So I backed off (as much as I could) and let them hang the ornaments. My tree looks so silly! The kids are only 3 feet tall so most of the decorations are on the bottom 3 feet of the 7 foot tree. Ornaments are all clumped together and nowhere near evenly spaced. It is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY! There are big clumps of several sliver ornaments in one spot and clumps of red and gold elsewhere. I tried to move around an ornament or two and they got on to me. I thought that maybe over a few days I could spread out some decorations but they have noticed every change and been extremely displeased with my behavior. So now I have an uneven tree. Chris told me to stop being psycho and that it's more important to have fun trimming the tree than to have a beautiful department store looking tree. I immensely disagree! ha ha. The one year I'm having my whole family over for Christmas my tree is all crazy looking. I'm doing my best to restrain myself. Why do I have to be such a weirdo? Oh well, it wouldn't be me if I wasn't a complete dork. LOL. So family, FYI my tree looks awfully crazy this year!

I love my family

I remember as a kid constantly wondering what my life would be like in the years to come. I imagined my husband, my children, my home, my job......I spent a lot of time daydreaming. One of the beautiful things about daydreaming is the day you wake up and realize that you are sitting exactly in the place in life you always daydreamed about. We were driving to the farm today and I had a brief moment of true clarity. It looked cold and miserable out the car window. It started to rain a little bit. Then I hear my children in the back seat singing christmas songs along with the radio and then Chris chimes in. The whole world stopped for just a minute and I realized that "THIS is my husband and THESE are my children." For a second I was a kid again and I felt like I was getting a glimpse of what my life would be like. Then I realized that this actually is my life and I don't have to daydream about it. I have the family I always wanted and I couldn't be more proud of all 3 of them. I am truly blessed to share my life with 3 amazing people. I couldn't have daydreamed up a better family. I am so thankful to have been giving such a blessing. :)

Friday

I regret that I will not be able to come to the Thanksgiving at Brandee's house. I was really looking forward to it and so were the kids. It appears that the services for my MIL will be sometime on Friday. The family is setting up official arrangments Tuesday morning, but we anticipate a Friday service. We have several out of state relatives that are best accomodated with that day. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Let me know whose names we draw! Love you guys.
Sara

Please keep us in your prayers

My mother in law passed away tonight at 10:42. It was her birthday. Please keep my family in your prayers.

Un happy Birthday

Today was a less than great day. November 23rd. My brother in law and mother in law's birthday. Regan turned 25 and Carol 61. Birthdays are supposed to be happy not ominous. I'm really getting weary of burying family and friends. My larger than life grandpa passed away in 1989. I was lucky enough to have 18 good years of steady calm in my family. Then 2007 rolled around and it's been one memorial after the other. It has definately been a trying time in life. Luckily I can look back on what life experience I have and recognize that it was in times of trial that I learned the most about my life. So maybe I can spin this whole thing and just try to hear whatever it is that God is trying to tell me right now.

We spent the whole day at my inlaws house. We had the pleasure of visiting with a very nice hospice nurse. It is the first time we have been there when a nurse came. It's been hard at times to get the information we've wanted from Chris's grandma or dad. It's not easy stuff to talk about. So the nice nurse sat us all down and explained how the next chunk of time would go. She said the things out loud that we all knew, but didn't want to say. She told us that basically my MIL has approx 2 weeks of life left in her. It could go quicker, but definately no longer than 3 weeks. At the rate of progression we've seen in the last 2 months I would be more likely to say sooner than later. She isn't exactly conscious, hasn't eaten in a week or drank any fluids in several days. Her body is shutting down and we all just have to watch.

Spending the last few days of my grandma's life with her was a shocking experience for me. I had never seen anyone go thru a dying process. Now, within the same year I'm watching someone else I love cross over to the next life. I don't like feeling familiar with the experience. My inlaws are very kind people. It's not easy to watch them go thru this. It's much harder for me than I had anticipated. Knowing that Carol would go thru everything she has with alzheimers I thought I would be better prepared. Clearly there is no way to prepare. I'm saddened for children. They have had to deal with a lot of reality so early in their lives. I grieve that they will lose a grandparent after such a short time together. I look forward to reminding them of nice memories with her though. I struggle to know how to help my spouse deal with the loss of a parent. I resent that I will miss out on a growing relationship with Carol. And I dread the week or two ahead and all the stress and pain it will bring. Please keep our family in your prayers. I'm sure to update you all on any changes.

My day

Two exciting things happened today.

1. I got a new coat. I'm overly excited about my new coat. I have this horrible habit of buying coats that I think are cute but end up being less than warm. Every year I say I'm going to finally buy a warm coat. I've been buying dressier coats for the last few years because I've always had jobs where I had to dress overly nice for work. I don't even have a casual coat. For the last year I've been wearing scrubs to work. I always feel silly in scrubs and a dress coat. Maybe I wouldn't if the coat was warm. LOL. So anyway, finally today I bought a casual coat that is WARM. I had a brainstorm to look for a coat at an outdoors store because surely they would have something warm enough. I am sooooo cold natured. I could sit on top of a furnace and still need a blanket. Anyhow, new coat and new gloves to match make Sara a happy girl.

2. We ended up with 4 tickets to the OU game this weekend. Seems like a few times every year (3 or 4) we end up with tickets. We just happen to know the right people I guess. It seems like we always end up with an odd number of tickets left over or someone we know already has decided they are coming with us (whether asked or not LOL.) Anyhow, I remembered that when Chris and I went to the first OU game this season Brandee asked how we got tickets and that she never is able to get ahold of any. Brandee and I have been saying forever that we will go do something together but it never quite works out with sitters. So...we had 2 tickets left and I asked Brandee and Chance to come along. I would never have guessed they would be so excited! It made my day. And I didn't know that Chance had never been to an OU game. I'm very excited to take them with us. It will be really nice to spend the day with family doing something fun. I'm going to take tons of pictures!

These days...

I've been blogging alot lately. I suppose I have a lot to say. Wow, shocking. Caden's 5th birthday was yesterday and the mid life crisis it has spun me into has not subsided. *Sigh*. Oh well, what can I do? I'm looking very forward to seeing my family and I'm excited to show you my new house! You know I must always add disclaimers when it comes to my home. And here is said disclaimer: Please remember that I have lived here for 6 weeks. I don't know where I put anything when I unpacked. I can't figure out where to hang things on the walls. And I have not yet learned all the nooks and cranies of my house that require special cleaning attention, etc. So you know...work in progress. BUT!!!!!I'm so excited about Christmas that I can hardly stand it. I have Christmas fever big time. I can't wait to put up the tree and put up the lights. I bet you $5 my tree will be put up before Thanksgiving this year. LOL. Most years it's lucky to get up before Christmas is over! I want a giant blow up snowman, or santa or globe or something for the front yard. I want red ribbons and stockings and a constant fire in the fireplace. Oh man. I can't remember the last time I was so amped up about the holidays. I think the root lies in having a new home. A home that is finally mine. I can finally do every ridiculous idea that comes to mind whether practical or not. No one can stop me!! ha ha ha!!! Therefore insanely extreme chrismtas decorations are neccessary! Don't Christmas trees smell wonderful? Mine is fake because I'm lazy and it's prelit, but nevertheless I'm stocking up on cinnamon and evergreen candles!

Just so you all know.......

I didn't post my "I miss my family" blog to any particular person. It was really just a way of me saying that I miss the old days and it isn't the same now. And it was me saying that since my mom's family makes me feel akward I can understand others in the same position. So I hope that I personally have not make anyone to feel akward or like an outsider. I've learned thru unfortunate experience that proximity should not determine your ranking in a family. So if you live far away like Phil's family does, or Meredith does, etc. you are still important and I miss sharing time with you. It really really hurts when things happen in my mom's family that are important and I don't feel included in sharing it with them (even when I'm actually there). Like at my grandma's funeral I knew that somewhere deep down those people still love the little girl I was when I WAS around. I don't blame them for not knowing how to hug me or say personal things, because I had indeed become a stranger. There are things that I do blame them for which are silliness and I should just get over because I do love them very much and it's useless to waste my time on hurt. But I'm not writing this to prescribe myself my own medicine. LOL. JK. I no longer hold on to any hurt or pain. It doesn't mean it's any less akward though. So in my rambling, I think my main point is that I don't want to be to any Sanders what I feel that maybe some of my mom's family is to me. So if I ticked you off or stepped in your toes or said something you don't like....I'm sorry. I don't hurt peoples feelings on purpose, so if I do so I'm unaware of it. Just tell me and I am big enough to make it right. Oh boy. I sure do like to open my mouth don't I? Blame my mother for being so quiet. I had to learn very early how to speak up and it's now an unfortunate habit I can not stop. LOL. JK.

Holidays Are Incomplete Without You

I was thinking about the holidays coming up and realized how different things are now. When I was a kid there were 7000 other people my age running around the house. I felt like I had more cousins than anyone else on the planet. Remember the stockings on Grandma's fireplace? She had a huge mantel and there was still barely room for all the stockings lined up oldest to youngest. Now my kids have 1 cousin to play with. Where did everyone go? Dalton left us. Christa, Tara, and Laura live far away (although Chara did recently join us again) Jason, DJ and Kari do their own thing most of the time. Meredith left us. That pretty much leaves me and Reba, then a ten year gap to Sami and Levi. What happened? I would never have guessed all those years sitting in mountains of presents and playing all kinds of made up games in grandma's doll room that everyone would disappear. Those are some of my happiest memories and I'm sad that we are not all still here or together to continue sharing them. I realize that everyone grows up and makes families of their own. I just can't imagine as a grown up with a family of my own, not including all the people that made my childhood so special. I'm sad for my children. They will never get to have the type of Christmas at grandma's that I had. They will truly miss out. It makes me sad to think about how much of our family has gone off their own way without even slightly including us in their lives or holidays. No matter how fun our Thanksgivings or Christmas's are now I will always feel like they are incomplete.

I haven't been to a holiday for my mom's family in over ten years. That is because I don't feel welcome or included. I certainly hope with my dad's family I haven't done anything to make someone feel like they aren't welcome or included. I suppose I could get out the family book and call my cousins to make sure they know they are missed and wanted at holidays. But I don't want to badger anyone. I suppose each has their own reason for which family to visit and which family to not. In the mean time I am thankful for those of us that do still come together and I'm happy that you will be part of my children's memories of young holidays.

Prayer Request

I would like to ask a very special request of my family. If you have a few extra minutes in the days and weeks ahead I would like to ask that you say a special prayer from my mother in law. As you all know, she has alzheimers. In the last two months, especially in the last 3 weeks she has had a severe decline. The doctor started her on home health care 3 weeks ago. A nurse and physical therapist has been coming out to check on her and help take care of her. Yesterday the home health nurse reccommended that they switch her over to hospice. I'm a bit confused by the situation. Having worked for a home health care/hospice company for 6 months and having had my grandma on hospice, it was my understanding that hospice is used near the end of someone's life. It is at the point which they say, "We can not do anything else to help except make this person comfortable while they remain with us." I think her doctor is not a good doctor at all. His communication skills with the family have been less than stellar. We are not sure exactly what to expect from this point. Earlier this week my MIL was in the hospital. They thought she might have had a stroke so they took her to the ER. She was admitted. Turns out she was severely dehydrated, had a bad kidney infection and partial kidney failure. THey got her patched up and sent her home after a few days. As if the rapid decline over the last few weeks wasn't bad enough, going to the hospital has seemed to impact her greatly. She has taken an even worse turn since returning from the hospital. I realize that her mental state is not going to improve. That is just the nature of the disease. However, she is refusing to eat or drink, talking gibberish and having an over all horrible time. She essentially has no quality of life left. The nurse said to be prepared for anything. We are not sure if this just means her alzheimers is progressing severely adn that she will undoubtedly be worse, or if they are telling us she might pass away. It's all confusing and the doctor has been no help. Chris is not particularly close with is mom, but the way I see it...Your mom is your mom. Regardless of your feelings toward your mom you can't help but have some type of feelings about a situation like this. So please if you don't mind, keep Carol in your prayers. And it wouldn't hurt to ask for a little guidance for the rest of our family too. :) Thanks guys. I love you!
Sara

October Pictures

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks. Some of them are from Halloween. We went trick or treating at the zoo with another family that has a 5 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. It was alot of fun. The rest of the pictures are from last weekend when we were at the farm. We spent Sunday and Monday there. We fished most of the time we were there. Just by looking at the pictures you would think that I took several pics of the same fish. BUT, there is actually one picture for each fish we caught. It was sooo much fun to watch the kids have such a successful fishing trip. Caden caught 9, Macy 5, Chris 4 and I came in last with 2. I can't believe the kids caught so many! They are awfully proud of themselves. Miss Macy actually took her fish off the hook on her own and held them by the mouth with her thumb. Her favorite part was throwing them back in the water. Although I'm not sure the fish enjoyed their flight. They did it all on their own too. Casting, reeling, hooking, the whole bit! It was great. I hope you enjoy the pictures! Love yall!

ramblings

Sometimes I think the grim reaper just picks a spot to hang out in for awhile and makes a good sweep through. I find that to be irritating. No one I knew passed away for about 10 years. Then all of a sudden I have to attend a funeral every time I turn around. Our friend died in a horrible accident summer of 06. Chris's grandpa died in Jan of 07. Then our best friend died under suspicious circumstances in May of 07. Then aunt Alice. Then my grandma. Then aunt Hattie. And now Chris's grandma passed away this week. What an ordeal. There is a certain amount of stress associated with the passing of his grandma that is a little unusual. At least for us. Technically she is Chris's step grandma, but it's the only one he's ever known. So really it's just a technicality. Anyway, there is a huge family farm that grandpa owned (recieved from his original wife). After Elmer passed, of course the farm remained because granny was still there. Now granny is gone and there is all sorts of hoop-lah about who gets what and whatever. It's stressful. This has been an issue for a long time but it's one of those things that someone has to deal with now and it's not really clear who. I'm quite afraid if one of the stepchildren (and there is a sneaky one!) gets ahold of the rights and takes it from Chris's mother who is the rightful heir...I'm afraid Chris will go postal and break someone's head open. For me, where my grandma Irene lived, outside of Dale is the one place in the world I feel closer to God than anywhere else. For Chris, it is the farm. Ugh. Really I would just like for there to be a calmness of life restored! I'm getting paranoid. Now everytime a grandparent gets a cold or has a bad day I'm convinced they are going to next! What a horrible way to think. I was going to go downtown this Saturday and do the charity walk to benefit alzheimers. I don't know if you have ever done a walk downtown but they are great. It's always nice to see the number of people that are out supporting a cause. But don't let the word walk fool you. I had 60 year old granny's kickin my butt last time I did a walk. Just think of aggressive mall walkers. I don't see why we can't slow down. Anyway, we will be leaving for Stroud for a few days and until then Chris is out of town on a work trip. I've rambled enough for this post. Until next time!

Ta Da!!!

Well, here is my purple kitchen. You can decide for yourself what you think but I really like it. Thank goodness too because at this point it wouldn't matter how much it sucked. I'm totally over painting for a while!

Victory at last!

I have sooo much to say but let me start with a flashy and dramatic endzone dance. I'm pleased to announce that for the first time in 8 years I have WON!!! Won what, you ask? The lottery? A new car? Those would all be great but this win is much more gratifying than any material possesion. I won a decision!!! A decision? So what? What is the big deal with that? Well, I will tell you what the big deal with that is. For those of you that know my husband you have figured out that while he may look like a biker he is actually a domestic diva. I find it to be both intriguing and extremely irritating. Luckily he is as tough as he looks or the fact that he makes way prettier cupcakes than me would just ruin our whole arrangement. Anyway, he's always had pretty strong opinions about basically everything in our house. We have been at odds over the paint color for the kitchen/dining room. We both wanted to step outside of our little brown box we live and and go bold. He picked a tuscan orange sort of pumpkiny color. It was pretty. I however feel deeply in my gut that I can not live a day longer unless I can paint those walls eggplant purple. Purple?! Yes, purple. But not grandma purple. Like the darkest purple you can think of. Long story short, after 6 weeks of debate I have finally won! I already bought the paint and everything. Now that I've won I'm terrified it will completely suck and I will have to admit my defeat. At least its only a $20 risk. LOL. We are sanding down our dining room table and painting the legs black and staining the top a light greenish color. Just think about the green and purple that occur naturally on an artichoke or eggplant. Then you will see what I'm thinking. So this weekend I will get moving on my paint project. Stay tuned for my next post titled: How I have to repaint my kitchen because purple did look stupid after all. :)

HOUSE PICS AND BDAY STUFF

We are going to have Caden's birthday party on Sat Nov 15th at 2 pm. I hope everyone can come! I'm excited to have everyone over to the new house. I posted a slideshow of house pics for those of you that didn't see them on myspace. These are all before we moved stuff in. I will post some "finished" pictures soon!

Quick update

So......in the last week........

Chris broke his hand. The xrays look gross. His thumb is like free floating. He is supposed to have surgery tomorrow to get pins put in it. I'm not sure about it though because they still haven't called us to confirm the time. I wondering if there is a scheduling error. I'm going to be really upset if it didn't get scheduled correctly. Tomorrow is really the only time we can squeeze it in. Besides things like that are supposed to be done pretty quickly. I don't want it to heal incorrectly and have to break it again. Yuck. It's just incredible timing. We are closing on the house on Tuesday and moving all next week. We were considering hiring movers already and that really pushed us over the edge. He'll be pretty useless at picking anything up and I certainly can't do it. We don't really have any friends anymore so I can't count on them to move all my stuff. I really don't want to have to beg all the Sanders to break their backs carrying my furniture. Luckily one of the guys that works for Chris has a grandma that owns a moving company. It's always nice to know someone. We have the movers scheduled for next friday for 4 hours. They are 90 bucks an hour so I really hope they move quickly!

Macy is still not adjusting to school very well. I was really hoping she would like it since she has become so outgoing over the summer. She's not nearly as shy as she used to be. She has always been sooo super shy that it's impossible around strangers. Around her bday she started talking to random strangers in the store and telling the check out people her whole life story. I really thought she'd do better. What I learned was that if you remove Caden from the picture and she has to stand completely on her own she reverts back to that super shy little girl. She got her feelings hurt by some kids in her class the first few days of school and hasn't quite recovered. It takes her a long time to get over it when she gets hurt. She's such a sensitive girl. It is so hard to stand back and let her learn her social lessons on her own. There was one little boy (who happens to be Caden's best friend) who kept calling her names and picking on her. He's in Pre-K. I told Caden that he is to stick up for his sister whether it's his friend or not! Family takes care of each other! Well yesterday they came home and told me that Evan said he wants to marry Macy. Well no wonder he was picking on her! I didn't even think about him liking her. It makes sense now that I realize what's going on. I forgot about silly little boys. Yesterday Macy said (with her hands on her little hips), "I am not marrying Evan! I like Luke! Luke is my boyfriend and I am going to marry HIM!" I asked her when she was getting married and she said when she was 5. Luke is the little boy that was the ring bearer in Becky's wedding and walked down the aisle with her. So that's that! I will be sending out the wedding invitations soon. LOL.

Caden has requested that we now call him Cade. So FYI. We will see how long it lasts. That's all for now. I love you guys!

King of the Castle

Well, I promised Beth a post but I have yet to deliver. I have been extremely busy, very tired and fresh out of witty blog topics. I suppose I could at least update everyone on recent events.

Thanks to all of you that have shared my excitement over buying a house! It's always nice to hear my family be supportive and excited with me. I can't even explain the mix of emotions I'm experiencing. I'm super excited, anxious and scared to death! Buying a house is such a big deal to me. I never thought I'd get to this point! Everything has been working out smoothly and I'm surprised by it. Chris and I never seem to accomplish things without type of road block. We found THE house within our first few days of looking. The sellers accepted our first offer. The mortgage stuff went along easily. The inspector said we were buying a great house. Per the inspector the sellers had to fix the dryer vent and replace 2 windows. All the windows are double paned and on 2 of them the gas between the panes had leaked out and they fogged up. That was it. Today, we set the final closing date and time. We are to close on the 16th. That is 2 weeks away! Packing and the actual moving part is no fun. I'm ready to just be there.

I've heard before that a man's home is his castle, but not really because the woman runs the whole home. In my case, this house really is my man's castle. I can say whatever I want to on here because I know Chris doesn't read these blogs. This man has taken over! He has decided exactly what he wants to do with every room (color scheme, decoration, style, etc.) and I have no say. Well, he didn't say that but I clearly see how this is going. Yes, my big hairy brute of a husband has a flair for interior decorating. Which is fine and all, but at least give me one room! We were squabbling over the bathroom theme and it occured to me that there will not be one feminine touch in the whole house. At first I thought, "Okay, pick your battles. Who cares what he chooses for the bathroom. As long as he stays out of my kitchen we will be fine." First I lost the kids bathroom, then I lost our bathroom, then I lost our bedroom, then I lost the livingroom and finally he took over my kitchen. I put my foot down! Well, I tried. Finally after voicing that it was my house too and I am allowed to put my stamp somewhere he says I can have our bedroom. Uh, no. We bought new bed clothes at a huge sale (got a $300 king size bed set for $100) just a few weeks ago. I was polite and compromised enough that we picked something we both liked, well mostly he liked and I could live with. If the bedroom was mine and I knew that I wasn't going to get to contribute to any other spot in the house I would have girled it up. I'm talking pink flowers everywhere! I would have over-girled it just to make a statement. LOL. Oh well. He can start the house out however he wants and then I will just change it to my way as we go along. He'll never notice. LOL. Ha! He may not notice my hair but he will notice the decor!

So anyway, that has completely taken over my life for the time being. In other news MACY CAUGHT HER FIRST FISH! We went to the family farm over labor day and fished in one of the ponds. We had only been fishing a few mintues when she got it. She stood in front of me and we casted it out together. She had a little chartruese grub on her hook. She started reeling it in and jerked it up real quick. She said, "Mommy, I'm stuck! I got caught!" We had caught a tree branch and snagged up just before that. So I took her pole, started reeling it in and realized that it was not a tree at all. So I gave her back the pole and told her to keep reeling. You should have seen her face when she pulled the fish out of the water. It was like Christmas morning! She was so proud. We snapped a few pictures and then Caden took the hook out of it's mouth. I was proud of him for that too. He usually won't touch the fish. He grabbed it and took charge and released it. It was the smallest little baby bass i've ever seen. It was maybe 5 inches long. Nevertheless, it was a fish and it was all hers. Yay Macy! That's all for now. I have packing to do!

Dance

I love my children. When there is music on they can not keep still. It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing. They must dance! Not just little wiggling around, but full on dance like no one is watching. What a beautiful way to live. They make me smile.

CAUTION: Adulthood can cause ulcers

Well, it's been an odd week or two at my house. Pretty much everything seems out of the ordinary. Most of the time I'm up for a little excitement, but I've grown kind of fond of my everyday routines. It's one thing if I choose to change up my routine. I can handle that. It's another thing if some uncontrollable outside force decides to change up my routine. The world feels like it's running itself lately. Doesn't the world know that I run things around here? LOL.

Well, we always said that we would buy a house around the time the kids were to start public school so that we could stay put and not have to switch them around. I hated changing schools in elementary. Although I changed schools every year. Once may not have been so bad, but I promised myself that I would allow my children the gift of starting and finishing all in the same spot. There are so many elementaries around here that if you move 2 houses down you are in a new school zone. Brief summary of my longwinded stories: We are buying a house. From the second this whole process started I have had a knot in my stomach. I'm usually really good dealing with big situations and stress. I'm the one that keeps it together around here. Not this time. Buying a house is such a grown up thing and such an enormous comittment that it is really freaking me out!! It doesn't help that my dad thinks I'm an idiot. Anyway, my family is growing, my current housing is toooooooooooo small, and I'm sick of our neighborhood. So why not now? The first day the realtor took us to some houses I went home deflated and finished. It was obvious that Chris and I were NOT looking for the same house. I figured we'd justh have to buy houses next door to each other to come to any type of agreement. The second day we found a house we both love. It has all the things we BOTH wanted. Wow, that's a miracle. We looked at several more houses but found that we didn't care about them and kept comparing them to the one we both liked. So we decided to make an offer. I was already sick to my stomach with the whole thing, but putting in an offer seemed so official. This is the moment my stomach got knotted up and stayed that way. The house was already 10K down fromt the original list price because it's been on the market for 200 something days. We decided to put in a ridiculous offer just to start negotiations at. We offered almost 10K less than the list price which was almost 20 less than where it started. Listed that the seller had to pay for EVERYTHING. All the closing, warranty, insurance, blah blah blah. The realtor said it was good to list too many things for them to pay so that when they throw a few of those out they feel like they are really negotiating. Only thing we really have to be concerned about is that someone else already had a contingency contract on the house. Their offer had been accepted and they would close on the house as soon as they sold their own house. We weren't sure how that would all work. So we put in our offer and waited around. That was Sat morning. About 9 Sun night the realtor calls and says, "They accepted your first offer!" Therefore, the people who were already trying to buy the house we wanted had 72 hours to sell their home or they have to give up the house and let us buy it. Great, now I have to sit around another 3 days! Stomach still sick the whole time. Their 72 hours were up late Wed night. On Thur morning our realtor calls about 10 and says that we win! Yay! So now we have to finalize all the bank stuff. I have to say that Chris has completely amazed me thru this process. See, he's led me to believe all these years that he has no organizational skills and having him take care of important things is more of a hinderance than a help. I pretty much knew it was hooey but I've gotten used to handling the big stuff. Well, he's 100% blown his cover. He has handled every step of the realtor, bank, money, etc with such ease and organization and MOTIVATION that he will never again get away with playing dumb. I haven't had to do a single thing but actually view the houses. It's really nice be in the background for once. I get awfully tired of making decisions. Anyway, bank stuff is all done. We just have to get the appraiser, inspector and whoever else is official and has to look at the house. The bank said we could close by the end of the month. Yikes. I can't pack and clean out all the junk in 15 days. I don't even have any boxes! I don't think I will be able to take the bottle of tums out of my purse until they actually hand us the keys. I have heard too many stories about things going wrong at the last minute. The best part is that this house is a good size bigger than where we are now. So, I can have birthday parties where you don't have to sit on top of each other.

It has a double garage with only one door. Chris wouldn't even look at anything with a split door. But he wants to put his boat in their so I can understand that. It has a big front porch and a nice entryway. It has a sunken livingroom. New tile and the carpet was just put in a few weeks ago. Almost the entire inside of the house is painted in colors I would have chosen myself. So they saved me some time and effort. The only rooms I will need to paint is the kids rooms. The master bedroom is HUGE with super high ceiling. It has a double sink and vanity area on one end of the room. The bathroom is off to one side of it and the walk in closet to the other. I think I will love my closet the most of everything in the whole house. When we were walking around in the master closet my kids asked me who's room that one was. LOL. It's bigger than the bathroom in my house now. It's exciting. The kitchen has stainless steel and black appliances that will match our refrigerator. The master bedroom is on one end of the house and the rest of the bedrooms on the other end. Wow, maybe I will have some privacy. I'm not holding my breath. There is tons of storage, a nice fireplace, the kids rooms are equal in size. I was worried about their rooms being equal. I didn't want to feel guilty because someone got the bigger room. It has a big laundry room. I will be so thankful to have a laundry room. The backyard has a great deck. In fact the deck is probably 2/3 of the yard and it's a good size yard. So bring on the bbq's I guess! Clearly I'm excited. Getting an ulcer, but excited. I'm not sure if the nervousness outweighs the excitement or if they are about equal. Either way, my stomach hurts!

Yesterday was the first day of school. I will fill everyone in on that later. My fingers can type no more right now!

Catch up

I suppose I haven't posted anything lately because I have been plumb exhausted. Between my best friend's showers and wedding, Macy's birthday (the actual one and the party one), trying to do some extra things to take care of mom I have maxed out. Now I can finally breathe. I think this next weekend I will do my best to convince Chris to take me to the lake alllll weekend. I could use some serious boat time. Summer is almost over and we've barely been to the lake. Sure, we went every weekend the first few months we had the new boat to different fishing tournaments (march, april,may) but it was so cold on the water I had to wear layers and gloves. That doesn't count as fun boat time. In fact all of those times we had to be on the water by dawn which as we all know is my absolute least favorite time of the day. I hate mornings. Although, getting to see the sunrise was nice.

I feel like a big jerk for not being a great hostess at Macy's party. I really felt terrible. Starting the sunday before I stayed up every single night until 1 or 2 am cleaning the house in anticipation of having people over. I mean, seriously, how can you respect me if I have dirty walls? LOL. I'm such a freak sometimes. I cleaned both kids rooms (no small task), my room, the bathroom, the kitchen, livingroom, washed all the walls in the whole house courtesy of mr. clean magic erasers, scrubbed the baseboards with a toothbrush, cleaned up the yard in front and back, took my bed apart to fix the middle support board, cleaned all under the bed and around it, put the bed back together (it's a freakin big bed too) and shipped all my laundry off to my mom's house. LOL. My washing machine broke down so I took the amazing opportunity to get a little help from my mommy! Bless her heart. You can't imagine how much laundry my 4 person family produces. Not to mention that when the washing machine decided to break there was not one single piece of clean clothing in my whole house! So in addition to my regular every day chores like dishes and picking up toys I added in all those other tasks. I had gone to the doctor earlier in the week and found out I had an ear infection. I haven't had an ear infection since I was 8. I forgot how much they hurt. Plus I think it's worse when you are an adult. So anyway, I've been going non stop for several weeks and my body just had enough. I really wish I had spent more time talking to everyone and being my loud goofy self. I had a migraine so I was lucky to even be functioning. Migraines usually make me throw up so at least that didn't happen. I missed a great opportunity to catch up with everyone. Hopefully you all understand though. We are very appreciative of all the gifts for Macy and for taking time out of your weekend to celebrate her birthday with us. So thank you all very much! Macy keeps saying, "My whole family came to see ME for my birthday!" She likes having everyone over to pay her attention. Her little personality has really developed. In fact I was really surprised to see her acting so shyly when everyone sang to her. On her actual bday we were at Texas Roadhouse and she told the waitress it was her bday. So the staff came over, shined a big light on her, made her sit on a saddle and sang to her. She loved it!

Yes, Macy has definately been chatting it up lately. When we go to the store she tells whoever is checking us out her whole life story. She walks up to people in the store and tells them that she's 3 and her name is Macy Brooklynn Myers. She has no secrets. In fact she embarassed me big time this weekend. We were at my inlaws on Sunday having lunch after church. It's no secret that my brother in law has a problem with odor. In fact I can rarely even be in the same room with him. Chris tried to drown him in cologne at the bday party but it didn't help. We've tried everything to address the situation but his parents just won't make him shower. And because of his weight he really should be showering twice a day rather than once a week. It's bad. Anyway, we were sitting at the dinner table, passing the food around. It was dead silent and Macy looks at everyone and says, "My mommy said Regan is going to stink up the whole house." OMG. I tried to offer her some macaroni and say anything to change the subject. It didn't help. So she immediately says again, "When we were getting balloons for the party my mommy said Oh great Regan is going to stink up the whole house. He is stinky." I nearly stared a hole right thru my plate. I just buried my head and made eye contact with no one! I don't think I have ever been more embarassed. She completely tattled on me. I guess I need to be more careful what I say in front of her. I don't even know what made her think of that. It was out of the blue. A few mintues later someone else finally introduced a topic of conversation. Then half way thru the meal she announces, "Kids can't drink beer. Grown ups can drink beer just a little bit, but kids can't drink beer." What the hell! Are you kidding me? We have never drank in front of our children and furthermore the only time there is even beer in the refrigerator is during a football game. Even then it's in a drawer away from the general food items. She brings this up a lot. I'm not sure why she is so obsessed with that particular topic. I have a feeling that someone (Nana) must be putting a little bug in her ear. Needless to say, I left for home as soon as I was done eating. Thank God I have a good relationship with Chris's family!

School starts in 2 weeks. Caden is ready to go back and Macy will be starting preschool for the first time! She is sooo excited. I think she will do great. It helps that Caden will be there too. We decided to let him attend the private Pre-K program at the preschool he's gone to for the last few years. His birthday is past the cut off, so he was in the 3 year old, then 4 year old class, and will be in Pre-K when he turns 5. That way Caden and Macy will be in the same school this year and grandpa Jay doesn't have to drive all over creation to drop them off and pick them up. Then next year Macy will go to public Pre-K and Cade to Kindergarten. It just seems logical to take them both the same locations. Less driving. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm favoring Caden. He will have gone to preschool for 3 years while Macy only gets 1. Caden started preschool when he was 3. Macy is starting at 3 also. It's just the way their bdays work out. She really wasn't ready to go to school last year, and there were no open spots. She's been on the waiting list for a long time. I'm eager to see how my little girl does in school. I can't believe it though. It seems like just yesterday we brought her home. Where is the time going? I guess that's all I have to babble about for now. Maybe next time I will have something insightful to say. Really I just meant to post a quick thank you to my family and ended up going off on a tangent. Oh well!

Pictures from Becky's wedding

today's observations

We all know by now that I love random observations. People watching is one of my favorite things to do. Particularly observations that relate to my life in one way or another. And oh the things I have observed lately! LOL. I am really enjoying my job. I have had such a difficult time within the last year finding a job that fit well for my life, family and current circumstances. I'm so thankful to be employed somewhere that is making a positive difference in my life rather than being a constant battle to work my life around. Working Monday - Thursday is a blessing. I know it is just one extra day a week off but it makes a world of difference. It's extra time with my children. It's time to do business hour errands. It's time to to doctor appointments. It's just extra time for me which is what this mother of 2 young children desperately needs!

So anyway, working for an orthodontist I get to deal with alot of parents. The most consistent observation I've made in the last month is the difference between mothers and fathers. We all know that mothers clearly are the brains of the family but now I have scientific proof! LOL. When it's time to set up an appointment for the next month I can tell you exactly how my encounter with the parent will go before they even approach my desk. When I ask mom what day of the week/time etc she would like to schedule the next appointment she immediately gets her pocket calendar out. Not only is every day for the next 3 months scheduled out but it's color coded according to each child and full of additional post it note lists. Mom has a date and time already scheduled for next month and is informing me when she will bring her child next. Dad walks up, asks if his child is supposed to come back sometime in the future and does he have to give me any money? When I suggest a date or time he shrugs while staring off into space and says, "I don't know. Just schedule it whenever and I'll try to remember to show up." A little more than half of the time his wife will call me later in the day to reschedule because Dad has no clue and maliciously scheduled Susie's ortho appointment during cheer practice! The nerve of Dad!

Also, I'm getting experience with the over zealous mother. In 1 month I have been yelled at by 3 mothers and stalked by 1. Luckily, I'm just a great people person and can turn the situation around where they apologize for behaving inappropriately. LOL. Some of these mothers are crazy! I had a lady argue over 68 cents. She threw a huge fit for inadvertently over paying by 68 cents. After making a big scene I offered to give her 68 cents in change and she refused to take it. I still can't find the point in that situation. One lady came in and paid the entire $4000 fee up front and then call me literally 10 times that afternoon to make sure I was going to file the remaining $700 with insurance. She even called me twice with her dental insurance company on three way! She insisted that the dental rep explain to me how to fill out the insurance claim and how to properly put it in the mail. I kept trying to explain that no matter what she did not owe any additional money. She still insisted. That was last week. She came in again today for her daughter to get her lower braces on, spent 30 minutes at my desk rehashing the whole thing and freaking out about whether or not I mailed the paperwork and how I filled it out and where I addressed it to etc. She needed to sign the financial contract that was left out of the chart last week. She kept saying, "I've already paid. Why do I have to sign this?" I must have explained ten times that it was just the contract stating that she was charged a fee and had paid it in full.

You would think that as a mother in an effort to teach your children how to deal with people and handle situations responsibly that some of these women would conduct themselves in a more appropriate manner. This is not so. They throw tantrums, embarass their teenagers, and make spectacles of themselves for no reason. I can safely say that I have a daily reminder to not be an over zealous control freak of a mother!

Macy's Birthday. She's already 3!!!!

I am going to be having a birthday party for Macy. Her birthday is next weekend on July 6th. The past 2 years it has worked out where her birthday is in the middle of the week so we've had the party a few days later on the 8th or so. I am going to have her party a little late this year. The 4th of July is on a Friday so I figure that most people will have holiday plans next weekend. Also, my best friend is getting married in a few weeks so my entire summer has been consumed by the wedding monster. I'm exhausted and ready for this wedding to be over. It is bankrupting me and taking all my free time. I can't even squeeze in the time to put together a birthday party and give everyone invited sufficient notice. So I'm going to wait until the wedding is over to throw Macy a party. I am tenatively planning on Saturday July 26th around 2 or 3 pm. I hope you can all come. She keeps saying that she wants a princess party. She had a princess party last year, but I guess once a princess always a princess. Please let me know if you would like to come so that I can make adequate arrangements. She loves pink, dresses, baby dolls, jewelry (definately jewelry), make-up, purses, shoes and anything that is girly girly girly. She loves Dora, Backyardigans, all the Princesses, and stuff to decorate her room. She also loves to draw. That should be plenty of info for gift ideas. I will let you all know for sure when I finalize the date/time. I hope you can come!

you can only see stars in the dark

Climb inside my head. It's crowded in here. I've been thinking about the power of perspective. It really doesn't matter what happens to us in life, just how we process it. I truly believe that we are all born with the tools to survive even the deepest of tragedies and that we have a responsibility to take something from it and improve the world. Growing up I was taught that we all have a part to play and that it takes each part doing their job to create the whole. It sounds like a good enough metaphor. I think it's more than that now. I've always thought that each person has their own purpose, but watching my children confirms my feeling that God puts these little seeds in our soul that make us who we are for a reason. My daughter was born with a very distinct personality and I do not believe that anything or anyone will ever change who she is. Nature vs. nurture is out on her. She is who she is and there is a reason for it. I can see her strength, determination and sensitivity. I believe that she was given those traits for a specific reason. She will do something great with them. It may take her a long time to realize those traits and embrace them, but they are they are most likely will not change. I've spent most of my 20's trying to figure out what seeds were planted in my soul. Who am I seperated from everything that has happened to me or what I am expected to be? Strip away the world and find the bare naked truth about my purpose here. Everything about me is because it is supposed to be. I think I've made good use of my 20's and have at least a handful of answers that I was looking for. I will not be broken. There is a determination inside me that I will not ignore. There is a reason that heartache often creates amazing art or meaningful life lessons. We can only see stars in the dark. If you want to be something than be it. Don't wait until tomorrow. Be whatever you want right now. If you can make someone else stronger by taking their hand then do it. Find the gifts you were born with that make you who you are and share them with the world. Who cares if we mess up? The only thing that matters is if we mess up and don't do anything about it. I'm just saying, whatever is going on in your life, no matter how bad it may seem is only as tragic as you allow it to be. There is an opportunity for greatness in every situation. I choose not to be small.

pictures from the last few weeks

Thursday

I have some things on my mind. I have some things burdening my heart. If you have a minute to pause, please say a prayer for me. I need help letting go of a few things and allowing God to take over. I could use some comfort and encouragement. It's awfully hard to let go of things that are out of my control. So, if you don't mind, ask God if he would help me out. I will gladly say a thankful prayer for you in return. :)

Wednesday

Well, I started my new job last Wednesday. So far I'm loving it. It is zero stress! I am the office manager and it's nice to be in charge! The lady that was the manager before me retired a month or so ago. She was scared of computers and did everything in an antiquated manner. So I'm revamping! It's time to make use of the internet, get everything computerized and become efficient. With medical stuff there has to be a certain amount of paper, but there is a large percentage of my job that needs to be moved to computer. I'm up for the task. I enjoy getting to step in and create my own way of getting things done. It's always hard to start a new job and try to fit yourself into someone else's way of doing things. I pretty much have the green light on whatever I want to update. Not working on Fridays is awesome. This week the doctor is on vacation today and tomorrow. So one of the assistants is covering the office phone in the mornings and I don't have to go in until 12:30. I still get paid for the whole day though. Today I worked from 12:30-3:45. What a beautiful day. Stanley Steemer came in to clean the carpets and I had to leave when they were done. No walking on the wet carpets! Tomorrow I will likely just stay until 4. I'm there all by myself so I can pretty much come and go as I please. I do have some insurance claims to deal with but other than that, there isn't much for me to do with no patients there. I did not know that stress free jobs existed. Apparently they do though. It has been great to come home to a house that is still clean and feel refreshed from having a relaxed day at work. Chris on the other hand has gotten older and older every day that goes by. I can't think of a day in the last month that he hasn't come home and fallen asleep in his recliner. How un-fun! Next thing I know he'll be asking for dinner at 4 pm. LOL.

This has been quite a week. My inlaws think that my MIL (mom in law) may have had a light stroke earlier this week. They didn't take her to the hospital despite our pleading. They didn't call her doctor even though they said they would. They wear me out. I did get to sit with Chris's gma and talk for about an hour about how things are going with her right now. She is really advancing into the much later stages of alzheimers. She is definately out of the moderate category and into late stage. At the dinner table on Sunday she hissed at someone who said something she didn't like. It was akward. I never really know what to do when things like that happen. I feel like she is uncomfortable around me so I just try to stay out of the way. The speed at which she is declining is unreal. She was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. At that time she was still early stage. She's already thru almost every sign/symptom. She still knows her name and the name of the people she sees every day but she doesn't know who's house she is in or where the bedroom/bathroom is. She has been refusing to eat. She can't take any medicine because she has forgotten how to swallow pills. The pills always end up in her teeth. Even when they crush them into applesauce she manages to chew the little pieces and get them stuck in her teeth instead of swallowing it. It's a difficult situation. I'm not really sure what I can do to help them. She can barely move on her own now and if she does she screams and cries about it. She never gets off the couch. If I had to guess I'd say she's a few months away from being totally bedridden. It seems like her body has just shut down. Her mind is in better shape than her body is.

Then yesterday I finally convinced mom to go to the ER. She's been complaining of a sharp pain in her abdomen. It wasn't going away and seemed to be getting worse. She went to MWC ER at 1:30 yesterday. When I got off work at 5 I went over there and she was still in the waiting room. I got irritated and took her to St. Anthony's. When we got there only 2 other people were in the waiting room. That was at 6:15. She didn't get back to see a doctor until 10 pm!!!! I was infuriated! The doctor did a complete head to toe check on her. I've been trying to convince mom to go to another doctor for a long time. I think her doctor is practicing lazy medicine. He used to be a great doctor. When he switched from private practice to commercial hospital organization it all went downhill. There are a number of reasons that I think he isn't providing adequate care for her. I won't go thru all that, but they are very legitimate reasons. About a month ago I finally threw a big enough fit about mom's current state and how her current plan of care is not working that the doc finally ran some tests. This was the 5th time or so that I've pushed and pushed for him to do a work up on her and fix some issues. So, he calls her about 3 weeks ago and tells her that she has mono. What? Mono is usually in teenagers and young adults. It is very rare to be nearly 60 and get mono. I thought the "test result" was BS this whole time. So she tells the ER doc that she has mono and the doctor said she might have an enlarged spleen which could be causing the abdominal pain. The doctor was very confused. Long story short, he did a full work up on her. Checked every organ, white blood cell count, bone density, etc. Oh, her doctor also told her that she has osteoarthritis. In the end the ER doc gave us a full list of tests he'd run and all the results. There is not one thing wrong with her other than a small kidney stone that was passing. Those hurt like hell. I've had 3 and they are no walk in the park. However, he was very clear that she did not have mono or asteoarthritis. Her liver, pancreas, kidneys (other than the stone), lungs, bones, blood, etc were all perfectly fine. I feel quite validated that a doctor finally proved my point. There is nothing wrong other than being completely over medicated for diagnoses that are false. So, with my point now proven I am taking mom to a new doctor immediately. I don't care how long we have to doctor shop. We will find someone that can provide adequate care in a reasonable way. I didnt get home until 2 am. I was very fortunate that I didn't have to be at work till after noon.

So, that's the update on Sara's week. I hope you are all doing well. Next time I will try to say something insightful. :)

soooooooo

Well, I just summed up my first day at a new job. So far so good. I was sure that there were so many perks about taking this job that I would find a draw back somewhere. Being able to take the kids to nana's = super plus. Working Monday -Thursday = super plus. Having a whole extra day with my kids every single week = super plus. Having a week day between 8 and 5 to accomplish all those annoying appointments and errands that can only be done between those hours = super plus. The doctor taking vacations all summer and still paying his staff full day wages while they aren't there because it's not our fault he's on vacation = super duper plus. Working in MWC where I grew up and running into every single person I've ever known within one day = eh. I used to think that my success would be measured in the number of miles I would end up away from home. Everyone wants to grow up and move away. I didn't relocate but I moved out and moved far enough away that I don't know the people in 7-11 or Walmart. I only run into people I know if I choose to. Today, I ran into my 6th grade teacher, Kelly's neice, Melanie's nephew and brother-in-law, and my cousin has an appointment tomorrow. I don't mind seeing all of these people. It's quite nice to see friendly faces. However, I also think...wow it's 11 years since I moved away from here and now I work accross the street from my childhood home and alma mater. Boy did I do far. Well, whatever. I pay the bills, I raise my children, I adore my husband, I love my family, I am not OLD (as of today) and I am so exciting I can't stand it. So take your measure of success by miles and shove it. My house will be clean and my kids will be happy and most importantly I now have fridays to hang out at the pool while I pretend to all of you that I will do something really responsible with my extra day off. LOL.

Today was like an awesome 70's rock song

There should be more days like today. Well, evenings at least. It was perfect summer night for sitting outside. I didn't, but it would have been a good night for it. The wind was just right and the air felt like it just might rain. The air was humid enough to put a feeling in the wind that something might be coming. Which for me surprising translated from rain into hope.

We went out to eat tonight and I've finally after 4 years figured out the perfect conditions in which to take my children to a restraunt where they must sit in one place for more than 5 minutes. Go to the loudest, busiest restraunt you can find. Then their hyperactivity and volume just blend in with everything else. No one notices that they are loud because it's too loud inside to hear them. No one notices they are crawling on the table, leaving their seat and being wiggly. Everything in the restraunt is moving full speed. They blend in there too. Dinner felt like a success.

I did however do some observing while we were waiting for a table to open up. Buffalo Wild Wings on a tuesday night in summer. Sitting the waiting area I realized that I am no longer blonde, tan or twenty. I watched a table full of young beautiful couples having dinner together. There were probably ten people all together. They were all young, attractive, stylish...and skinny. They all looked very much in love and full of life. I looked at my husband who was still bleary eyed from his after work nap. Thought of my unsuccessful hair day resulting in a ragged ponytail. Watching them really reminded me how big a difference just a few years can make. I have a great fondness for my early twenties. I felt unstoppable. Chris and I met when we he was twenty, I was two days past twenty one. We melted, our friends mixed and we became part of this tight circle of friends that spent every single day together. Reality and responsibility hadn't really set in yet. Most everyone either lived at home with their parents or were still in college. There were only 2 other people besides myself that had an apartment and they lived together. Every day was something absolutely exciting. No one ever wanted to spend one night at home because one day was enough to throw you totally out of the loop. They were really incredible days. Rebellion was expected and rampant. The days and the time felt bigger than I was and I was just excited to be a part of it. I found a really strange comfort in a new and different family. I still think of all of those people like family even though some of us have fallen out of touch. I miss my rebellious days every now and then. Then I started wondering, "What happened? I'm not exciting anymore." Well, that sucks. Why am I not exciting? How did this happen to me? I suddenly realize that I am an OLD PERSON! This can't be right. I realize that I don't have the tight abs of a twenty year old girl, I no longer religiously tan, I have no idea what clothes to buy but I don't have to be OLD!!! I think I had a silent mid life crisis right smack in the middle of BWW. I also promised myself I would start working out. Then I ordered chocolate cake. I'm really off on the right foot. LOL. I have been told by many single people my age that Chris and I have shown them that being married and having children doesn't mean you have to suck. When the opportunity comes along we are still quite fun. Maybe I just feel like the opportunities are less lately. I really miss some of our friends. That's mostly my own fault though. I've learned it's not a great idea to yell at your husbands best friends wife. And it's not a good idea to become so consumed with things that I "have to do" that I fall out of touch or put people off. As much as my husbands friends used to bug the crap out me sometimes I actually miss having 15 grown men playing video games in my living room. I feel a little lost in the shuffle. Summers have always been childish, irresponsible, exciting, memorable times for me. Even with the kids. Staying up to late. Having too many people over and bugging the neighbors. Being too loud. Staying at the lake all day. I think I'm just bored. Maybe I need a good lake weekend or a big house BBQ.

Nevertheless, what started as a really nice summer breeze ended up as a resolve to have a fresh tomorrow. That is one of the things I love the most about life. Everyday is another chance to start all over. So if I totally screw it up today I can always try again tomorrow. There is always hope for tomorrow. So, when I wake up in the morning I am going to start my new job, no longer have to clean up after my mom and the kids at my house all day after working, start taking the kids to nana's house for the day, eat something healthy, workout in the evening and squeeze in something exciting that will make me feel less OLD than I feel today. All of you old people keep telling me that OLD is a state of mind right? (I'm totally kidding) As great as it is to have a husband and adorable children it's a lot more fun if we have people to share it with. Staying home all the time isn't all it's cracked up to be. So, tomorrow...be hot, less fat, more fun and exciting. Should be no problem at all. LOL.

I got a new job today.

Yay for me. I got a new job today. I have been hating my current job as much as anyone can possilby hate anything. This was not regular job dislike. I almost feel like the guy in Office Space that ends up setting the building on fire after being moved to the basement. Every day at this job I have felt like less of a human being and less of an adult. Being belittled and berated and beat down all day long is not my idea of worthwhile employment. I don't care how much they would have been willing to pay me they were a terrible company. I don't think anyone should be treated the way all of their employees are treated. Not to mention their patients. These poor homebound patients are getting subpar care because the company is only concerned about the bottom line. Money. So amidst my misery I started applying for other jobs. And today I got a new one. I am quite pleased with myself. For the first time ever I got a new job before quitting my old one. Look how responsible I am becoming. I will be working for an orthodontist in MWC right accross from Carl Albert. This is a HUGE relief. Now, I can take the kids to my mom's house instead of her coming to my house. This will relieve a HUGE HUGE HUGE burden on me. I don't think anyone quite understands how hard it is to clean up after my mom and the kids after they have been unsupervised in my house all day. The story of my life has been staying up until midnight scrubbing and cleaning. I leave for work with a clean house and come home to a garbage dump. I spend at least the first 30 minutes every day I'm home just picking up trash. I can not relay how relieved I am to be working in a location where it will be possible to take the kids to mom's house on her days of the week. Also, I will only be working Monday thru Thursday which is my second favorite part. Now I will have an extra day with my children. And only 4 days a week to commute. With gas prices almost the same price as the car itself I appreciate having a short work week. I'm not taking a pay cut either. :) This will be great. It's a small personable office. The doctor and his wife seem like really nice down to earth people. Hopefully this will be a good experience. One thing is for sure...it can't be worse than the place I was at up until now. I just think that people should be spoken to and treated respectfully, and I think if you are going to run a home health care company that the patients should actually get adequate care. Call me crazy. So wish me well on my new endeavor. I'm going in tomorrow to get my personal belongings, do my exit interview and say Adios! Just think of all the things I will be able to do with this extra day of the week!!!

today

So today I decided that I'm going to work on a few relationships. I'd really like to get to know Levi better. I think he's an amazing kid and I don't get to spend time with him very often or really at all. I remember when Levi and Sami were small my parents and I used to go over to their house all the time. At least twice a week. I'm not sure why we stopped doing that. So I remember all kinds of things about little Levi, but he's basically grown now. So I need to catch up. I'm not sure how he will take to my interest in him, but I'm going to try none the less. I'd also like to work on my relationship with my grandma. I want to put out the effort to spend some more time with her. Today she invited the kids and I over to go swimming. I think we will take her up on that.
I missed having Chris at TC's party with me today. We had a lot of fun though. I'm upset that I couldn't find my one piece and was forced into wearing a bikini in front of my family. But I suppose you will all get over it so I will too. It was great to swim and let the kids play. Caden and Macy look up to Tristan so much. They think he's just the greatest. I'm glad they have someone to play with and look up to. Especially Caden. He's so used to being the biggest kid (at home anyway) that it's nice for him to have someone older around. I have always thought that Chance looks like Murray Wiggle. I could have sworn I told you guys that before. I remember someone saying the Murray was TC's favorite a few years ago and I assumed it was just because it looked like his dad. And poor Sami! I can't believe we mortified her boyfriend like that. It was pretty funny though. I'm just glad you guys never did that to me. Of course, I don't think I ever brought around any boyfriends specifically for that reason! Poor Tim got ogled today. LOL. It was good to see everyone. I will always remember Aunt Beth jumping on the trampoline. It was a good memory. I bet she is sore tomorrow!

Kids say the cutest things

Last night after Caden's tball game we went to Chris's softball games at Boomer. I never get to actually watch any of the games. I spend all my time chasing my crazy children. I was thinking of ways to entertain my kids and keep them from running wild. We played tag until I pooped out. Then I taught them how to play Simon Says. After about 15 minutes of Simon Says I ran out of ideas. So, I said, "Does anyone else want to be Simon for awhile?" Caden says, "I do! I want to be Simon!" Macy runs up and says, "I want to be Theodore! Mommy, you can be Alvin." I love my children.

If anyone is interested, Caden's last 2 games are this weekend. The regular season is over and this is the post season tournament. He plays Saturday at 12:30 and Sunday at 3:20. That will be the end of t-ball until September. I'm very proud of my little man. Last night he got two outs. He was very proud of himself, but not more proud that his Mommy! It was a great night.

some new pics

I love my friends

I have had a nice response to my last blog which I appreciate. I know every woman thinks about how they should be a mother. I just like to hear others thoughts and experiences. That way I don't feel like I'm crazy for thinking so hard about it!
I went to one of my best friends wedding on Saturday. I have an overwhelming sense of pride when it comes to this group of girlfriends. I even cried a little during the ceremony. One of the reasons I love this group of 5 girls so much is because we have ALL put a great amount of effort into staying friends. We met when we were 12 years old in the 7th grade. I always thought that the people I met in college would end up being my lifetime friends but I was wrong. Originally there were 7 of us. We spent every weekend having slumber parties and talking about boys and just making it thru being a teenager together. We were friends during our akward years, and thru boyfriends and break ups and proms and cheerleading/pom stuff. We grew up together. I remember as the end of our senior year got closer we all got more nervous. The night before graduation we were at Regional Park up in the old spaceship. We were sitting in a circle and we around making predictions of how everyone would turn out. When we made the prediction of whether or not we would be friends ten years from then we all said, "Of course!" But inside we were all wondering how we would accomplish it. So we went off to college, everyone going somewhere different. We got together over holidays and school breaks. At first everyone came home for summer break. Then we all started staying near our schools or going to a town closer to our boyfriends. At some point we all went off on our own and established ourselves as individuals. A few years went by where we mostly just kept in touch by phone and saw each other rarely. I think we all thought that might be the point where we drifted away. But, here it is 11 years later and we are closer than we ever were back then. I am the most proud of my friends because we all went off, did our own thing, became our own person, and then came back together. Well 5 of the 7 of us came back together. I think it's an amazing thing that our friendships meant enough to all of us that each one of the 5 of us put out a huge amount of effort to maintain the friendships we built in 7th grade. I am proud of my friends and I feel honored that we have made it this far. I think if we've come this far then we will probably make it forever. Next summer we all turn 30. To celebrate how far we've come and how old we are getting (*wink*) we are taking a cruise together. 4 or 5 days of just the girls on a carribean trip. I'm really looking forward to it. My friends have always been important to me. My friends and family rank about the same to me. I was so proud to watch my friend walk down the aisle and marry a nice guy. It was a beautiful outside wedding too. Not to mention that my friends are incredibly fun. It's never a dull moment. They've also adopted my husband in quite well. I can't imagine not having them in my life. A few of my other friends moved off and got so wrapped up in starting a family and being married that they didn't really care to keep in touch. Now, when they do show up for things like weddings I think they feel pretty left out and kind of jealous. For the most part they don't have any friends. I can't imagine living like that. It seems really depressing to me. My friends are insanely important to me and my life would feel pretty empty with out them. That includes Chris's friends too that have generoulsy inducted me into their circle. I do think it's funny when people tell me that they are surprised that Chris and I are so fun. I always tell them that being married and being a parent doesn't mean I have to suck. I'm the same person I've always been. I just have more responsibilites now. Anyway, I'm proud of my friends and I think it's a huge accomplishment that we have made it sixteen years!

A few thoughts

I was watching TV tonight and a particular scene caught my attention. A couple was having a little arguement and the husband said to wife, "You are just like your mother!" This seems to have been the worst thing that he could have said to her. She reacted with disgust. "How could you say such a thing? I will never be anything like my mother!" This got me thinking. Most of the people I know have said at some point or another that they don't ever want to be like their mother or have some problem being compared to their mom. I started wondering, "Wow, how do I raise my children so that they will not have an adversion to being like me?" I'm all for being your own person and finding your own way, but what's so wrong with being like your mom? I want my children to carve their own path, but I certainly hope I don't screw it up so much they decide to never be like me. What an insult! And why is it that I am the only person I know that seems to discuss what kind of mom I want to be or even admits that I put a lot of intentional effort into making myself somewhat of a syllabus. LOL. I know tons of moms of all ages and I've never heard anyone else ever talk about how they grew into their parenthood. My grandma Irene taught me a lot about being a woman and being a lady, but she never talked about the decisions she made about how to mother. My mom has never really said anything about what she thought about as a young mom or what goals she had for herself in that role. Same thing for all of my aunts, cousins, friends, friends mom's, etc. Now that I stop and think about it, it really kind of shocks me that I've never heard anyone else talk about why/how they chose to be the type of mother that they are. Surely everyone thinks about it right? It's pretty important. I can't imagine that it comes so naturally to others that they didn't have to plan it out at least a little. So why doesn't anyone I know ever mention it? I suppose I just like to talk more than others and have no issues with what I share with people vs. what I don't. As we have all learned I don't keep very much to myself. I also over think things. Nevertheless, I just wandered upon this topic tonight. A silly scene in Scrubs got my mind going. So what do the rest of you do? Even if you have been a mom for 20 or 30 years surely there is still some thinking involved. Your children are always at a new age then they were before, or in a new place in their lives than before which must effect you. Whether it is because they are raising their own children or whatever. I don't guess you stop mothering any less just because your kids grow up and start families of their own. Then you get to go on a whole grandparent journey. I would love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps being a mom just happens to be the single most important thing in my life so I talk about it more than other stuff. Not to mention that all I do is go to work or raise my children. So I'm short on any other topics. LOL.

On a side note, I was at the store before work a few mornings ago and noticed a book. The back cover caught my eye. It said something to the effect of "How to get your husband to help with house work." So I immediately bought it. I'm only half way thru the introduction so no new revelations yet. Even if it doesn't teach me how to get my husband to take delight in chores maybe it will make for an amusing read. If it works out though I will be more than happy to share. It never hurts to try right? HA HA!