Today was like an awesome 70's rock song

There should be more days like today. Well, evenings at least. It was perfect summer night for sitting outside. I didn't, but it would have been a good night for it. The wind was just right and the air felt like it just might rain. The air was humid enough to put a feeling in the wind that something might be coming. Which for me surprising translated from rain into hope.

We went out to eat tonight and I've finally after 4 years figured out the perfect conditions in which to take my children to a restraunt where they must sit in one place for more than 5 minutes. Go to the loudest, busiest restraunt you can find. Then their hyperactivity and volume just blend in with everything else. No one notices that they are loud because it's too loud inside to hear them. No one notices they are crawling on the table, leaving their seat and being wiggly. Everything in the restraunt is moving full speed. They blend in there too. Dinner felt like a success.

I did however do some observing while we were waiting for a table to open up. Buffalo Wild Wings on a tuesday night in summer. Sitting the waiting area I realized that I am no longer blonde, tan or twenty. I watched a table full of young beautiful couples having dinner together. There were probably ten people all together. They were all young, attractive, stylish...and skinny. They all looked very much in love and full of life. I looked at my husband who was still bleary eyed from his after work nap. Thought of my unsuccessful hair day resulting in a ragged ponytail. Watching them really reminded me how big a difference just a few years can make. I have a great fondness for my early twenties. I felt unstoppable. Chris and I met when we he was twenty, I was two days past twenty one. We melted, our friends mixed and we became part of this tight circle of friends that spent every single day together. Reality and responsibility hadn't really set in yet. Most everyone either lived at home with their parents or were still in college. There were only 2 other people besides myself that had an apartment and they lived together. Every day was something absolutely exciting. No one ever wanted to spend one night at home because one day was enough to throw you totally out of the loop. They were really incredible days. Rebellion was expected and rampant. The days and the time felt bigger than I was and I was just excited to be a part of it. I found a really strange comfort in a new and different family. I still think of all of those people like family even though some of us have fallen out of touch. I miss my rebellious days every now and then. Then I started wondering, "What happened? I'm not exciting anymore." Well, that sucks. Why am I not exciting? How did this happen to me? I suddenly realize that I am an OLD PERSON! This can't be right. I realize that I don't have the tight abs of a twenty year old girl, I no longer religiously tan, I have no idea what clothes to buy but I don't have to be OLD!!! I think I had a silent mid life crisis right smack in the middle of BWW. I also promised myself I would start working out. Then I ordered chocolate cake. I'm really off on the right foot. LOL. I have been told by many single people my age that Chris and I have shown them that being married and having children doesn't mean you have to suck. When the opportunity comes along we are still quite fun. Maybe I just feel like the opportunities are less lately. I really miss some of our friends. That's mostly my own fault though. I've learned it's not a great idea to yell at your husbands best friends wife. And it's not a good idea to become so consumed with things that I "have to do" that I fall out of touch or put people off. As much as my husbands friends used to bug the crap out me sometimes I actually miss having 15 grown men playing video games in my living room. I feel a little lost in the shuffle. Summers have always been childish, irresponsible, exciting, memorable times for me. Even with the kids. Staying up to late. Having too many people over and bugging the neighbors. Being too loud. Staying at the lake all day. I think I'm just bored. Maybe I need a good lake weekend or a big house BBQ.

Nevertheless, what started as a really nice summer breeze ended up as a resolve to have a fresh tomorrow. That is one of the things I love the most about life. Everyday is another chance to start all over. So if I totally screw it up today I can always try again tomorrow. There is always hope for tomorrow. So, when I wake up in the morning I am going to start my new job, no longer have to clean up after my mom and the kids at my house all day after working, start taking the kids to nana's house for the day, eat something healthy, workout in the evening and squeeze in something exciting that will make me feel less OLD than I feel today. All of you old people keep telling me that OLD is a state of mind right? (I'm totally kidding) As great as it is to have a husband and adorable children it's a lot more fun if we have people to share it with. Staying home all the time isn't all it's cracked up to be. So, tomorrow...be hot, less fat, more fun and exciting. Should be no problem at all. LOL.